"The beach" is Glamour tardblogger Alyssa Shelasky's excuse for this outfit, which she describes as "a Southern runaway, like, Juliette Lewis/Natural Born Killers. Fine, my costume made no sense. Just wanted an excuse to wear fake eyelashes, Jessica Simpson extensions (my hair is shoulder length again), and a skanky black bra." The second extreme thing Alyssa is doing is a mistake we have made before: having one's photo taken alongside Julia Allison, whose skin is coated with a special compound that makes every photograph of her look like it came from Us Weekly and which makes anyone standing near her look like a smeary-eyelinered troll. Oh, and here's something else extreme: "My sister is almost done with her teaching year, so she'll be here causing trouble with me soon. I've actually met some guys who would be better for her than me. I've even semi-dated one or two! Have you and your sibs ever exchanged guys/girls? Would that freak a guy out? Actually, it would probably turn them on. Men!" JESUS CHRIST, ALYSSA.

Good To Be Bad [Alyssa]

Girls, and by 'girls,' I mean all of you! This is your last chance to use your vote to make a difference. A difference, that is, in the career path of our former Intern Neel Shah, who is still in the running towards becoming Glamour's new "Jake" relationship advice columnist. Well, just barely. He didn't fare so well in the final Jake challenge, in which he was honestly assessed by a former girlfriend. "Was I good in bed?" he asked her. The answer, depending on how familiar you are with Neel's salient characteristics, mayn't surprise you.

When last we checked in on Glamour's resident navelgazeologist Alyssa, she was anticipating a summer of fun in the Hamptons tainted only by a mild worry that she might run into an old enemy. Luckily, it seems she's done nothing lately but make new friends! Hedge fund friends! "Older" friends! Friends who, when they see the way Alyssa's characterized her interactions with them on her bloggyblog, might not find themselves feeling quite so friendly!

On the CBS Early Show this morning, our former Intern Neel pandered to the aged contingent of voters who may yet still make him Glamour magazine's next "Jake" advice columnist. Neel likes being with older women because "it's a different experience." He went on to clarify that "it's not something you experience on a regular day to day basis." Yeah, we hear it's more like every other day.

"I'm starting to get self conscious," writes Glamour Alyssa Shelasky on the blog where she scrutinizes every aspect of herself regularly. Today's reason for Alyssa's self consciousness? Alyssa has just found out that her "one enemy" is going to be living just down the street from her in Southampton this summer. Said enemy "once did something unforgivable" to her. Ooh, details please! "I trusted her with something incredibly personal, and she used it to (try to) ruin me! And that's putting it nicely." Will whoever this is please out herself ASAP? We'd like to be your friend.

Over at Glamour, the lads are still competing to see who will be the next advice columnist "Jake," and our former Intern Neel is trying to charm his putative fanbase with blog posts about... well, about his sketchy booty-calling ways. Nice one, Neel! But some of his highfalutin' literary references seem to be whizzing right over these readers' pretty little heads. For example, that booty-text-etiquette post was headlined, "Paging Emily Post," referring to the etiquette expert. Neel had Bradshawishly closed his musings with a query: "Do you guys really want a phone call the day after a drunk hookup call, even if it's awkward?" A commenter responded:

Let's all take a moment and cross our fingers for our all-gwowed-up Intern Neel, who is competing to become Glamour's new sex and relationships advice guy. He'll need all the luck he can get! Psych. His competition is some redheads, one of whom is a single dad. Congratulations, Neel! Let's just hope no one finds out about your small "chutney bottle."

Annelise Peterson, Glamour's newly-appointed Special Correspondent For Socialite PR Stunts Taking Place In Turks & Caicos To Somehow Benefit Charity, has posted another dispatch! Several, in fact. The first Princess Race challenge involved kayaking, and the winners would receive a Cartier watch. Annelise's first obstacle was staying sober the night before the competition: "A few Prince Charmings on the sandy beach invited us to a night on the Caicos town; a hot party at Bamboo! But, whoa is me. My alarm will be ringing at 6 am and I must fight for kingdom Valentino and find victory." She's serious about winning! In the water, though, Annelise and her partner Triana struggled—"We were getting our tooshies beet [sic] by two Austrian women and I can't figure out my right from my left!"—but ultimately prevailed, coming in second place. And then, we learned why Annelise is so driven. "Let's see how well Tinsley and Fabiola do. In reality, that's the only team I'm interested in taking down. I already have a Cartier." Whoa is we.

Socialite and publicist Annelise Peterson has been selected for a very high honor: She's one of the "notable women"—Tinsley Mortimer is another!—who have been chosen to fly to Turks & Caicos this week to compete in the "Princess Race." It's some kind of charitable deal where the women kayak and snorkel and somehow it prevents child abuse. Today over at Glamour's network of tardblogs, Annelise herself blogs about the meaning of the word "princess."

Yesterday, Glamour's "Slaves to Fashion" blogger Ashley Baker posted a response to her colleague Suze Yalof Schwartz's musings about onetime Glamour intern turned fashion blogger Julie Fredrickson. Today you can still see it in Google reader, but it's no longer on the site. Has Ashley been silenced? Maybe a peek at Suze's latest blog post will shed some light. "Big Gap Attack! Thank G-d it wasn't a Big Mac Attack! I am almost at my bikini weight. Here, my tally of yesterday's purchases... Don't tell my husband, hehehe!" Um, so... no.

Update: Ashley Baker wasn't censored! She censored her own self.

Glamour executive fashion director at large Suze Yalof Schwartz has some choice words for Julie Fredrickson, who interned at Glamour once upon a time for four days before discovering "just how much like pledging a sorority" the experience is. Julie's now gainfully employed at fashion blog Coutorture, which she co-founded. Suze congratulates her on her success, then calls her out on being a total spoiled brat.

FYI, Glamour dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky has been profoundly affected by recent tragic events, including the storms that have ravaged the East Coast and the violent deaths of the 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shooter. Profoundly.

As the May issue of Glamour hits newsstands, ladies are learning 15 "totally new" things about sex, Kate Beckinsale is teaching important lessons about how to cope with loss, and 'Lunch Date' columnist Carole Radziwill is likely receiving an angry voicemail from her natureboy cousin-by-marriage, RFK, Jr. See, her date this month was Elizabeth Shue, who's married to An Inconvenient Truth director Davis Guggenheim, and so Carole and Elizabeth had to talk about "going green."

Glamour Executive Beauty Editor Mary Scully Maclean recently spent a day with a group of NYC-area elementary school students, teaching them how to be beauty writers. How generous of Mary to offer up some of her hard-earned wisdom ("I came armed with a bin of nail polishes") and precious time to the underprivileged... wait. Nope! It turns out that Ms. Scully Maclean chose to do impart her professional expertise and manicuring tips to a group of girls in Katonah, New York, which, according to the 1990 census, has a population that is 90.9% white and an average house price of $912,000. (This is also the same Katonah that nearby homeowner Martha Stewart is trying to trademark and slap on a line of outdoor furniture). Because, you know, there aren't any other girls within a 30-mile radius of NYC who could be better served by a bit of professional mentoring. But it was Mary's son's school, after all. All the more reason to trumpet the acheivements of the "brilliant, budding journalists at Katonah Elementary!"

Remember when Randy Cohen, the Times Magazine's morally-minded advice columnist, revealed a lady's name when he wasn't supposed to? Well, we're not about to say he's done it again in his latest piece, but the ghost of last week's gaffe is unmistakably present this weekend as Cohen appears to take shocking pleasure in publicly exposing the unethical behavior of someone who has sought his counsel. This week's target is Paul Kramer, a reformed Jew from Montclair, N. J. who serves as the production director at Glamour (hate to say we told you so). After the jump, we examine Krame's crime in light of last week's controversy, and catch up with him on the phone while he's shopping at the supermarket.

So Glamour dating blogger Alyssa Shelasky dropped a bit of a bomb on her loyal readers the other day: She's seeing someone! She's actually in a real, live relationship, and so she's been blogging more about her life—buying an apartment in New York with her sister, you know, the usual—and her audience is really upset. Turns out a dating blogger's life is pretty boring when she's not writing about dating.

You'd think that writing a blog about her sex life for Glamour magazine called "See Alyssa Date" might qualify Alyssa Shelasky as an extrovert. Alas, this isn't the case. Alyssa just want all those prying eyes to go away! Especially when the prying eyes are, um, ours.

From the Times:

We were looking to upgrade from L'Eggs, and we'd heard that Glamour.com's blogging style expert, Suze Yalof Schwartz, knew a lot about hosiery, so we headed on over there to get her advice. But we have to admit, we were a little bit shocked to hear a fashion mag employee recommend . . . well, let's let Suze tell it:

Remember art-lover Jake Bronstein? Fella who got canned from FHM for saying something mean about Howard Stern's girlfriend? Well, our Jake isn't the kind of man to let something as potentially devastating as being relieved of one's portfolio to interfere with the wielding of one's well-molded manhammer. This month's Glamour features a gallant epistle of gratitude from Jake to some broad that he banged after picking her up at Whole Foods on the day of his dismissal. Click to enlarge.