Brad and Angelina are getting married in New Orleans, Brooke Shields settled with the National Enquirer for kidnapping her mother, Mariah Carey is getting fat, Pete Doherty shot up on a commercial flight, and Denise Richards is addicted to boob jobs.

Blake Lively receives the most inspired compliment in the history of the universe, Heidi Pratt is either dying or lying, and A-Rod's showing off his new girlfriend to the team. Presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup:

Jon and Kate are packing legal heat, now; so is Evan Dando, and Kobe Bryant's maid, which finally gives TMZ the opportunity to teach readers about legislative law. Also, Marilyn Manson and Nazi Pubes. Your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Britney is hell bent on meeting the Queen and is planning a "pop-in," Kristin Cavallari is pissing off Audrina Patridge on the set of The Hills, Brangelina denies breakup rumors AGAIN, and Jon Gosselin and his mistress are photographed on vacation.

Ashlee Simpson got drunk at a party and made a spectacle of herself by screaming at Pete Wentz's ex Michelle Trachtenberg, Brad Pitt shares hygiene secrets, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush marriage rumors swirl, and Chris Pine dumped Audrina Patridge.

Today in celebrity fluff: Amy Winehouse is a morning drinker, Eminem was robbed, Lindsay Lohan storms through London, Simon Cowell reaches out to help Susan Boyle, Lily Allen has a nip slip, and Paris Hilton may get married this summer.

Britney is planning the "filthiest aftershow party" to ever hit the UK, Lady Gaga wants to bang all the Jonas Brothers at the same time, Lindsay Lohan is seeking to enter fashion as a "creative consultant," and the Susan Boyle crazy breakdown story gets even sadder.

Spencer and Heidi implode on the set of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Madonna and Kate Hudson kinda almost get into a catfight, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter is charged in an infant's death, and Lori Petty spent the weekend in the slammer after getting arrested for DUI.

Kelly Bensimon's a glutton for punishment, thespian Whitney Port's nuanced acting critiques, two babies, two 90s stars, a Clinton house (hunting) party, and some Communist dick is always just some Communist dick: presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup.

Prince Harry isn't being a dick! Octomom gets her own TV show, Candy Spelling works her late husband's TV pitches in real time, and Rachel Bilson doesn't eat chap stick. Presenting your Saturday morning gossip roundup.

Todd offered Bristol a new ride to get her to dump Levi, Spencer Pratt is the "King of Weed," Paris Hilton thinks that The Hills is "so lame and fake," Kate Hudson is traveling with the Yankees to bone A-Rod, and Susan Boyle may be institutionalized very shortly.

Chace Crawford has a new swimsuit model love interest, Susan Boyle freaks out in a fit of rage on strangers and cops in London, Jon and Kate are manipulating their kids, Rihanna will get virtually naked in a new Kanye video, and Anna Wintour wants to be ambassador to Britain.

Lily Allen trashes Susan Boyle on Twitter, Jon and Kate face the "dark side of reality," Kelly Bensimon is annoying the shit out of people all over the place, Katherine Heigl got fired from another project for being a diva, and Tori Spelling looks horrendous in a bikini.

Rihanna may be getting over Chris Brown by boning Kanye West, Jesus Luz puts Madonna in the "friend zone," Mike Tyson's 4 year-old daughter is on life support after accidentally hanging herself with an electric cord, and Brooke Shields expresses regret for not slutting around when she was young.

Jon Goesselin can't escape his family, Kevin Bacon's mugger escapes capture, Paul Allen can definitely escape Cannes, Josh Duhamal tries to escape death at Indy 500: presenting your man-happy Sunday afternoon gossip roundup.

Good Saturday morning! Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen spawning, Keifer Sutherland, Clay Aiken, and Giada De Laurentiis squashing separate (but equal!) beefs, Robert Pattinson gets some Can(nes), and Beyonce sez: "avoid the gym."

The Sun claims that Brad and Angelina are on the rocks and they're just pretending to love each other, Ed Westwick and Jessica Szhor partied together last night, a Gossip Girl spinoff is definitely in the works, and Patrick Swayze poses for a photo so everyone knows he's still alive.

Spencer Pratt's hot new rap single drops on iTunes, Britney sports a two-piece, Hayden Panettiere's tattoo artist can't spell and fucked up her new ink, some crazed Idol fan attempted to strangle Simon Cowell's ex-girlfriend outside the show's studio after the finale, and Amy Winehouse in in the hospital AGAIN!

Anna Wintour told Oprah that she needed to drop at least twenty pounds to be featured on the cover of Vogue and Chase Crawford is set to star in the remake of Footloose.

Paris Hilton's neighbor offered her landlord money to throw her ass into the street, Mel Gibson has definitely knocked up his Russian girlfriend/mistress, and A-Rod is boning romantic comedy actress Kate Hudson.