Avenue publisher Manhattan Media annouces today their plans to publish Our Town Downtown, a spin-off of ancient uptown mainstay Our Town. Oh, good — we were just recently lamenting that there weren't enough free newspapers blowing around the streets these days.
Mess up your hair and put on your vintage sweatband, because it's time to pay homage to the sweaty, fucked-up hipsters you've come to know and love with Blue States Lose. As always, we go spelunking through the photos at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak bathes in a tub of Sparks.
You know those long-running commercials for Colonial Williamsburg? If not, the above video probably won't make much sense. But for those of you who've heard the insanely annoying colonial fifers toot to the glory of Virginia's historical city, we share in your pain. Videoboy Chris Hanley, however, helps us to imagine something much worse.
• We really don't want today to end, if only so that everyone can continue to hyper-analyze Katie Couric's insane farewell on the Today show. [BWE]
• A new theory on Brangelina: did she have a C-Section because she didn't want to give baby Shiloh herpes? And did she give herpes to Brad Pitt? Was that how Jen Aniston found out he was cheating? Could we be any more stupid about this whole thing? [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Martha Stewart puts her Westport, CT home up for sale for a mere $8.9 million. But you'll have to pay extra to have that hideous wallpaper removed. [FishbowlNY]
• In the soft underbellies of New York's hipster havens, there are at least 3 people who don't drink. Granted, you won't see these folks on the Cobrasnake — but dammit, they're out there. [VV]
• Give K-Fed a shower and a comb, and he could be dominating the halls of Goldman Sachs. [Us Weekly]
• Memoirist Augusten Burroughs indulges the girls at Jane with a message board Q&A, wherein we learn that he doesn't know how to spell per se. Not that we should talk, but then again, we have a lot less money and a much bigger chip on our shoulders. [Jane]
• With all these celebrity babies being spit out left and right, a career in child therapy — especially with a Beverly Hills practice — may prove to be very lucrative. [The Letter D]
• During its last launch, Radar housed its visiting web designers at the opulent Hotel Carter. This time around, maybe the Chinatown Best Western? [Flickr]
• Presented without comment, a Vincent Gallo blog. Oh hell, we can't not comment — it's really creepy. [I Blew Vincent Gallo]
Whenever there's a holiday, there's a Motherfucker party — wherein all the hip kids and their tranny friends join together in sweaty, squalid bliss. This Sunday night was no exception, and Gawker staff shutterbug Nikola Tamindzic was proudly in attendance, catching all the good vice he could. His images are below in our nifty, new gallery; click on each thumbnail to enlarge. Not necessarily safe for work, mind you.
There's only one thing you hate more than being chained to your computer on the world's longest Friday, and that's dumbfuck hipsters posing like they're Gia incarnate. Lucky for you, it's time for Blue States Lose, wherein we drag our feet through photos of the fucked-up and fabulous children of The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak makes the Star Room look downright attractive.
It's not a coincidence that the clouds above Manhattan just parted, because it's time for Blue States Lose. You know the routine: we don safety goggles and sift through photos of the fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak lets Merlin take pictures of his new boy-cut panties.
Finally, there's a little something to put a crack in Brooklyn's charming veneer of being some sort of tree-lined gentrification utopia: the Observer reports on the divide between North and South, wherein Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and Bushwick hipsters have aligned against those from Fort Greene to Park Slope. The edgy Brooklynites to the north have the assymetrical haircuts; their southern counterparts buy their denim at Saks. In the end, they're all some variation of hip, and both think they're smarter than the other side:
It's time to feed the sweaty hipster drones with what they love best: unflattering photos of themselves. Yes, it's your weekly dose of Blue States Lose, wherein we look at the eye-bleeding photo galleries at The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows off his shiny new badge from the Fashion Police.
About a month ago, we posted a video that reader Chris Hanley shot at the Gen Art Film Fest. We especially loved the part where an impressive douchebag opined, "You know, like, I'm into movies, and that's cool. But, like, if you're gonna throw, like, uh, an industry party, you might as well fucking, like, throw a party." He was a wise tard, if nothing else.
• Seventeen EIC Atoosa Rubenstein continues to drop verbal gems wherever she goes. At Gotham Hall last night, she let it be known that in high school, no one wanted to have sex with her because of her hairy "werewolf legs." Well, now we know. But we wish we didn't. [Muckracked]
• We can't help it, but we're still kind of loving the cracktarded TMZ. Their paparazzi video clips are priceless — watch Nicole Richie walk out of a doctor's office and feel the magic for yourselves! [TMZ]
• And in other emaciated starlet news, Lindsay Lohan is seen kissing Kate Moss's latest boy, 21-year-old bartender Jaime Burke. Could he be the K-Fed of the coke crowd? [People]
• The Times blog development team has some major security issues to deal with. [Daily Gotham]
• Amazingly enough, the New Yorker manages to take all the joy out of Astoria's Bohemian Hall Beer Garden with one simple review. [NYer]
• Tom Cruise can conquer the world — but a car door, not so much. [Got Detroit]
• Bloomberg visits the set of the Nanny Diaries. He just adored the book, y'know? [Newsday]
• Thankfully, we can always turn to Williamsboard to remind us that hipsters have no reservations about being just as stereotypical as ever. [Williamsboard]
• Bad news: After spending a week submerged in a tank full of bombast, David Blaine's hands and feet seem to be returning back to normal. [ABC]
It's Cinco de Mayo, and we all know the best way to celebrate: With Blue States Lose, in which Joey Arak puts down his margarita long enough to dig through the photo galleries at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey ridicules the deserving for the good of society.
• How can you not love Nicole Richie? The saintly thing can't help but share every last sprinkle of blow she's got. [Defamer]
• The reservation line for Mr. Chow's Tribeca outpost is up and running; even if you're nobody, you can snag a table for Saturday's opening. [Eater]
• After reading an interview in which Barbara Corcoran talks about overcoming dyslexia to become the wicked queen of the housing bubble, we have to wonder: Is the Corcobeast the Tom Cruise of real estate? [Bankrate]
• At this point, what hasn't Kaavya Viswanathan plagiarized? [Crimson]
• Providence, R.I., actually manages to outdo Williamsburg in the retarded irony department. [You Tube]
• Scientology digs its claws into Janeane Garofolo. Is no one safe? [Scoop]
• Memoirist Augusten Burroughs likens the James Frey boondoggle to Milli Vanilli. Wrong! Milli Vanilli is far superior, simply by virtue of their hair. [Book Standard]
• The Smoking Gun pulls through with documents from Sopranos actor John Ventimiglia's arrest, complete with an impressive six counts of being totally fucked up. [TSG]
From last night's Publishers Marketplace deal report:
It's Friday afternoon, and that can only mean one thing. The decadent joy of summer hours? Nope, not yet, kids. It's even better: The mockilicious joy of Blue States Lose. You know how it goes: As he does each week, hipster-hatin' Joey Arak fights his way through the photo galleries at The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel, and he gets all Mr. Blackwell on them so you won't have to. After the jump, it's Joey's world, and we're all just visitors.
Put on your shredded leggings and perfect your party pose, because it's time for the Sparks-fueled joy and hipster-lovin' magic of Blue States Lose. Per usual, we sort pictures of young people shaming their generation on The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows you the path to post-punk redemption.
As anyone who's spent an evening carefully smearing their eyeliner will tell you, life after Misshapes is rough. When the Gang of Four stops and the lights come up, all you're left with is a profound emptiness (and nausea). And so it goes for the original home of Misshapes, Luke and Leroy's, a venue that's been empty-nesting ever since the Saturday night alt-hell dance party outgrew its home and moved to Don Hill's. Not yet qualified for historical protection, the bar is up for sale. A tragedy, we say — and it must be stopped!
Just in time for the resurrection, our personal messiah Joey Arak emerges from his tomb to bring us the latest installment of Blue States Lose. For your sins, he'll sort through the galleries of Sparks-addled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, the greasy people make the Easter bunny cry.
