Before half of Defamer's staff succumbs to heatstroke, we'd like to introduce guest blogger Kyle Buchanan, who will be joining us for the next two days. Kyle is a magazine writer for rags like Flaunt and The Advocate, though those with long memories may remember his late, lamented LA webzine Ostrich Ink, which Variety called "a colorful webzine that the Library of Congress might file under 'Los Angeles, Living Young In.'" A one-stop shop for humorous nonfiction, Ostrich Ink also featured some of the first interviews ever conducted with Interweb superstars-to-be like Mark the Cobra Snake and Andy Samberg, along with profiles of the likes of Jerry Stahl and Nic Harcourt. Since then, Kyle has kept busy by playing poker and writing for bad television shows. Please give him a warm welcome (and as many page views as you can muster).

We'd like to interrupt your regularly scheduled blog reading on this lovely Monday morning in order to make a quick introduction. We are excited to announce that, for the next two days, Sara Bibel (aka DroppedCall) will be jumping into the mix in a guest blogger capacity. For those of you who aren't already familiar with her work, Sara’s meandering journey through the dream-strewn streets of Hollywood began with a stint working for Defamer favorite Courtney “Call Me Corey” Solomon (who you'll likely remember from the great Captivity billboard scandal of Spring 2007). His screaming tirades and stapler throwing antics prepared her for her two-day stretch at Defamer H.Q. She then made it through the studio gates and into the glamorous world of television research, where she crunched Nielsen ratings numbers and sat behind the double mirror in numerous focus groups. Her next move took her into soaps – writing over a hundred hours of television you don't want to admit that you watched. Currently, she is a columnist for fancast.com.

This probably goes without saying, but the NRA's battle to protect our homes from British colonialists will never be the same without Charlton Heston. So, in honor of the late Mr. Heston, we here at Defamer decided it was high time to bring in the big guns (well, maybe not "big" like the .44 Magnum Clint Eastwood used in Dirty Harry, but this one's got all the unexpected firepower of that little garter gun Angelina Jolie wore in Mr. & Mrs. Smith). That's right, long time confidante of Defamer Paula Dixon will be joining us in a guest blogger capacity for the next two days. You may know her from her court-ordered anger management therapy/comedy blog, People Paula. Or from Suicide Girls. Or from PornTube. Or was it GodTube? We always get those two confused. Either way, we hope you'll give her a proverbial hug as she begins her Defaming duties. Hey you, we said proverbial. Now, on with the show...

Let's face it people; this country is going to proverbial hell in a not-so-proverbial handbasket. The Democratic party is imploding, gas prices are so high that Jay Leno can only afford to fill up 30 of his cars, and Lara Flynn Boyle is quickly morphing into Priscilla Presley. In troubled times like these, we here at Defamer find it necessary to bring in someone who can stare the harsh reality of life in the face, someone who can cut through all the BS and really give it to you straight, someone who runs a website called Cute Things Falling Asleep. That's right, our old buddy Nick Malis will be guest blogging here for the rest of the week. So, please take a moment of silent, meaningful reflection to welcome him and then get back to your regularly scheduled morning routine.

We've got two quick announcements to lead the day. And no, neither of them have anything to do with April Fool's Day (we tend to defer to Ashton Kutcher when it comes to pranking, punk'ing and pap'ing). First things first, Seth is taking a much deserved and long overdue vacation and will be gone for the next two weeks. While we're not entirely sure where he went, we have it on good authority that he's gone south of the equator in an attempt to infiltrate X17's secret island paparazzo boot camp. Fingers crossed that all of his covert training paid off!

Good news to pass along on this Monday morning. We are pleased as punch to announce that Douglas Reinhardt has been added to the Defamer roster, where he will be serving in the role of contributor. Some of you may recognize Douglas' name from his blog, Skeet On Mischa, where he has been keeping tabs on pop culture ephemera since 2004. He will be penning a new short burst feature for us called "A Call To The Bullpen", a feature that will run thrice daily here on Defamer, beginning today. But before we debut the feature, here's a quick bio of Defamer's newest contributer:

We'd like to begin this lovely Thursday morning with a quick introduction. We are excited to announce that, for the next two days, S.T. VanAirsdale will be helping us round out our coverage in a guest blogger capacity. Not only is he an incredibly well-respected veteran of the film blogging world, he's an all-around class act with a wit that's sharper than the new 17-blade Gillette Fusion. But rather than me going on-and-on about his credentials, I'll just turn the floor over to him:

When Lindsay Lohan shows her boobs and it's not by accident, when David Archuleta rockets to front runner status on American Idol merely by gazing into the camera and when Larry The Cable Guy is poised to set the box office afire with Witless Protection, that's a signal for us here at Defamer to call in some big guns capable of helping us cover all the goings-on in the pop culture universe. Unfortunately, none of those big guns returned our phone calls, so we went to Plan B and called Nick Malis instead. You may know him from his previous guest blogging stints on this site or, perhaps, from his recently re-launched blog, Cute Things Falling Asleep. Regardless of how much you know about him, know that he'll be here for the rest of the week covering all the stories that the other editors don't feel like getting around to. We kid, we kid! We think Nick is fab and are extremely grateful that he'll be popping in to lend us a hand for the next few days while we continue to conduct our search for America's Next Top Defamer. Enjoy!

Hi everyone! I'm Alex Pareene, the new guy. Or the old guy, sort of, as I've actually worked in the Gawker bile factory in some capacity for most of my adult life, like a little Dickensian orphan. I am from Minneapolis, I edited Wonkette from January of 2006 until last Friday, I thought The Darjeeling Limited was way better than The Life Aquatic but still basically disappointing, and although I am slightly allergic to cats I totally don't mind if you have one. The last time I did Gawker was, I believe, the first time Lindsay Lohan crashed her car into something or someone, so let's hope for the same kind of luck today.

TVWeek corralled just-installed NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman (pictured above enjoying himself in the general vicinity of soon-to-be sworn enemy Les Moonves of CBS) for a "getting to know you" chat, in which the recently anointed New Peacock Messiah reveals that while he has managed to chug the company's "Choke on Our Quality" Kool-Aid, his acceptance of the gig progressed so quickly that he hasn't yet had time to take care of certain details unimportant to taking the job, like watching all of the network's Fall pick-ups. Reports TV Week:

Please join us in welcoming the newest addition to the Gawker Media* family of blog-formatted web properties: Jezebel, a title just rolled out to service the needs of the vagina-having segment of the internet population, and dedicated to tarnishing the shiny objects that the Women's Magazine Industrial Complex deceives ladies into believing they desire. A snippet from their manifesto: