People often say that conservatives aren’t funny. In all honestly, that’s probably true. We need to look no further than Stephen Colbert, a caricature of conservative talking heads who nonetheless inflamed prominent conservatives who really should have known better, to say nothing of the rubes at home who didn’t get the joke. But today I am here to inform you that the liberals who love to look down on their self-serious and oblivious counterparts are themselves capable of a galling lack of humor.

Ex-Speaker of the House John Boehner, clearly a little bored in retirement, has announced his support for non-candidate Paul Ryan’s presidential bid, which does not exist.

When a candidate is down and out in the polls, there’s one tried-and-true strategy that should never be overlooked: an excellent sense of humor.

Yesterday evening, for at least the second time in his presidential campaign, Ted Cruz failed miserably when trying to deliver a lighthearted quip to a child.

A story about the supreme awkwardness of Ted Cruz in the New York Times Wednesday reveals the candidate’s propensity for the uncomfortable sex joke, such as the one he likes to tell about his horny Irish Catholic great-grandparents. But what type of joke is this?

From WCYY Radio in Portland, Maine comes what is purportedly “A Bad Encounter With Funny Man David Sedaris.” But is it?

Jim Webb (who?) tweeted an article this afternoon entitled “Debate Preview: Why My Money’s on Jim Webb.” Unfortunately for Jim Webb, that article was intended as comedy.

In 1974, Joe Biden gave a very good, extremely horny interview to Kitty Kelley. Just about the only thing that didn’t make it into the article, which ran in Washingtonian Magazine, was a mysterious anti-semitic joke Biden made to another senator. You’d think a joke that uncouth would be funny—but sadly, you thought wrong.

It used to be any idiot with a wifi connection could copy-paste someone else’s joke, tweet it and wait for the sweet sponsorship cash to roll in. Those days are over, technically speaking.

Once upon a time a man started hitting his head against a wall. A passerby asked him, "Why are you hitting your head against that wall?" "Because it feels so... Well, I guess because I don't have a weirdly strong mirror like that cute little goat."

Former Scientific American editor Bora Zivkovic still doesn't understand why he lost his job over those sexual harassment allegations.

On New Year's Day, Kanye West released "Only One," a piano ballad written and performed in collaboration with Paul McCartney. Yeezus pairing up with the most genial Beatle was exciting if a little befuddling, and several people took to Twitter to make the same joke at Sir Paul's expense. Good Morning America didn't get it.

Has the death of Harold Ramis left the world a less funny place? MSNBC's "Morning Joe" explored the issue this morning, as NBC News political director Chuck Todd led the show in a discussion of how grievously unfunny the New York Times obituary of Ramis was. Chuck Todd is an expert on what is and is not funny. Here, for devoted students of comic technique, is a transcript of Todd's remarks:

Remember the other day when you were saying how much you loved the sketch series "Drunk History" but that you wished how instead of history it was a corny joke about tortilla chips that Morgan Patch told her husband Adam while sauced off her ass on a bottle of wine, which he then turned into an animated short?

Today is April Fool's Day, a magical 24-hour spell during which companies spend lots of money to make stupid changes to their websites as a joke instead of as a business decision. In the spirit of public service we'd like to remind you: Don't trust anything you hear today. "Google Nose BETA," the search engine for scents? No. YouTube shutting down in preparation for finding the best video of all time? No. Twitter charging for vowels? No. Google Maps' new "treasure map" setting? Not real, and also not really even a joke. As usual, tech companies are the worst offenders in the publicity-in-exchange-for-saying-things-that-aren't-true game, but marketers have been gearing up for this for weeks, too. And TV: Good Morning America had a segment on a gorilla language this morning, and the Today Show had a Chris Brown "Breezy Flash Mob" complete with an interview. (Oh, no, wait: Today actually interviewed a violent and unrepentant abuser and hosted his insane fans outside its studio.) The prize for politics-related April Fool's is a tie between Sen. Ted Cruz who made a horrifically ugly April Fool's image macro for his Twitter, and the Yale Daily News, which straight-facedly announces that Hillary Clinton is joining the Jackson Institute for Global Affairs. (Ah: that famous New Haven sense of humor.) I don't have a clear memory of anything that happened before, say, 2005, so I have to ask: Was April Fool's Day always this excruciating? Or is this all—the endless stream of bad non-jokes, the news coverage of the bad non-jokes, and the grumpy bloggers whining about the above—the internet's fault? April Fool's! I already know the answer: Human beings have always been embarrassing and unfunny, well before the internet. [Lifehacker | NYT | USAT]

Taylor Swift made the world's head tilt sideways like a dog's yesterday, when she suggested that comedians Amy Poehler and Tina Fey would find themselves roasting in hell for all eternity for the sin of making a joke about her at the Golden Globes.

Amy Poehler responded to Taylor Swift's criticism of her Golden Globes joke and agreed that she'll burn in hell forever.

The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed roommates living in Nybro, a small industrial town in southern Sweden. Hjalmar is a chef; Alex takes woodworking courses. We asked them to address the controversy surrounding the Onion's Oscar-night tweet describing Quvenzhané Wallis as a "cunt." This is their first feature for Gawker. We have lightly edited their post for grammar and punctuation.

Monday morning, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas broke his impressive seven-year courtroom silence with a stupid Yale joke. Or at least that's what people think he said – the official transcriber (somewhat appropriately) failed to record the entire comment, although they did note it produced some laughter.

Al Roker sharted himself at the White House, which means it's time for us to come up with puns based on the word "shart." Please contribute your best below; to help get us started, here's a few from Twitter: