We pass along the above Fox.com promotional clip for 24's upcoming premiere not only because the idea of Santa Claus using CTU resources to infiltrate a chimney-free stronghold is certainly cute enough to waste two minutes of an already useless pre-holiday workday on, but to point out its missed opportunity to appeal to the series' hardcore fans: When the little girl opens that present in the final frames, it really should've contained the freshly severed head of a terrorist (a double-agent elf who sold him out as part of a convoluted plan to divert a toy shipment to the Middle East?) that Santa had to kill to ensure the completion of his Yuletide mission. Still, not a bad effort.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send in all your holiday shopping and partying sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Axl Rose shopping at the Calabasas Gelson's, where the produce is green and the checkout girls pretty.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you got lost in the McDreamy eyes of Patrick Dempsey doing some holiday shopping at the Disney Employee Store.

The date: November 12, 2006.
The place: JFK Airport.
Sighted: "Kiefer Sutherland at the United Airlines first class lounge with a very cute blonde at his side. He went into the bathroom in the lounge and had a cigarette just prior to leaving to board his flight."

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week (well, most weeks)—so send them in like your lives depended on it. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about how first and business class airplane cabin divisions can tear a showbiz family apart.

· We couldn't live with ourselves if we didn't point you to this Kirk-on-Spock slashtube presentation of "Closer," which stirs up complicated feelings we haven't experienced since that first intergalactic trip on the Startub Enterprise.
Insensitive contextual ad deployment suggests that Anna Nicole Smith might be able to heal her profound pain with a trip to Target.
DJ AM has many, many sneakers. We hope that you are just as excited by this news as we are.
Radar stumps Stephen Baldwin: "Just because I'm born-again doesn't mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized. See, that's the bad rap the born-again thing has gotten. What being born-again means for me is that I'm having so much fun in this interview that we're not going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy. That's what born again means to me: Inasmuch as I'd like to do that, gosh, I'll just go home and read some scripture with the wife."
· Please, Kiefer, don't ever stop tackling Christmas trees. The world needs more Christmas tree tracklers, not fewer. [fourth item]
· TVGasm once again unleashes the Chenbot.

According to LA Observed, this year's Sunset Junction festival will finally take much-needed steps to ensure that visiting celebrities have a place where they can avoid awkward interactions with the teeming masses in the VIP-level comfort to which they are accustomed, eliminating the shame and inconvenience of having to hide from overeager fans behind the butch, assless-chaps-clad mannequins at the bondagewear booth:

The Walk of Fame committee offered a sneak preview of which famous names will get their own star on Hollywood Blvd. in the coming year, later to be urinated upon countless times by drunk and/or homeless well-wishers. Here's the list:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Kiefer Sutherland lingering for an uncomfortably long time in the deli meats section of your local market.

The story of Kiefer Sutherland's drunken, flying takedown of a Christmas tree (in fairness, the angel ornament sitting atop it called him a pussy first) was so amazing as to seem wholly apocryphal, so while we'd heard that footage of the crapulent Yuletide miracle would appear in a documentary about the band he manages, we never allowed ourselves to dream that we might one day see it. We've been hurt before. Today, however, dreams come true.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw a prison-hardened Michelle Rodriguez begin her reassimilation into society by inadvertently mooning LAX.

The following PrivacyWatch sighting takes place between 1:00 pm and 2:00 pm on Sunday, April 9, 2006:

· 20th Century Fox TV takes all of the suspense out of the next few seasons of 24, virtually guaranteeing that Jack Bauer will survive a host of close shaves by signing up Kiefer Sutherland to a three-year, eight-figure deal. Sutherland will also get a shingle on the Fox lot with the deal, tentatively named I Am Only Beheading This Guy For The Good Of The Country Productions. [Variety]
· ABC further probes the possibilities of internet delivery by posting episodes of Lost, Desperate Housewives, and others on their website the day after they originally air. Advertising fans annoyed by a DVR's fast-forwarding features will be thrilled to discover that online viewers will have to sit through unskippable commercials. [THR/Reuters]
· In perhaps the most inevitable syndication deal of all time, Lifetime has bought the basic-cable rights to rerun episodes of Desperate Housewives. [Variety]
· Will Arnett quickly moves on from Arrested Development's death, selling a pitch to DreamWorks and Paramount about a "former U.S. vice president's privileged son, who is assigned an ambassadorship in Europe, where he quickly becomes the quintessential ugly American." For now The Ambassador seems to have one the title coin-flip over The Ugly American. [THR]
· Has it really taken Hollywood an entire year after her death to buy the rights that would allow someone to make a TV movie about the Terri Schiavo story? This place is really slipping. [Variety]

Sure, Kiefer Sutherland likes the occasional drink—really, who doesn't enjoy a pint or two of Guinness before the ritual sacking of the Christmas tree?—but he shook the white, jittery monkey off his back long ago:

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put sighting or PrivacyWatch in the subject line) and let everyone know that Jodie Foster has a Starbucks problem.

Steppin' Out magazine reports that longtime Los Feliz celebrity mascot Kiefer Sutherland went on a whirlwind tour of the Hillhurst Ave. dive bar circuit (OK, there are just two, and it's more like a 100-yard stumble than a tour, but still) this weekend, winding up at Ye Rustic for a relaxing brunch of chicken wings, karate kicks, and scotch. From Page Six:

It's a toss-up really, which version of Kiefer Sutherland's existence is more exciting: His day-to-day life or his fictional exploits as CIA CTU agent Jack Bauer on Fox's addicting 24. Both feature substance abuse, intrepid globetrotting, high body counts, and destruction on a massive scale. We'll give it to 24, however, which is currently at the start of a particularly strong fifth season. To help you keep track of Jack's killings and goings around LA and beyond, Gawker Media's guide to the urban galaxy, Gridskipper, has compiled what could well be the most exhaustive, technologically astute web-based 24 guide in history: The Jacktracker.

The recent layoffs that swept the entertainment industry seem also to have reached the Fox lot, where we fear the entire Fox News Cafe Promotional Menu Department has been decimated by cutbacks. It's the only logical explanation for today's bill of fare supposedly celebrating 24's two-night, four-hour season premiere event. Feebly tied-in offerings like "pulse-racing pasta," "suspenseful sandwiches," and a "shocking" serving of Manhattan clam chowder make a mockery of the once-proud News Cafe theme-meal tradition. The most buzzed-about series on Fox's current schedule demands top-shelf effort, even if it results in an unappetizing, Bones-like misstep; better to overshoot the creative target with dishes like "Holy Shit! Did Jack Bauer Just Cut Off That Dude's Head? Meatloaf" then settle for the mediocrity of the "ticking clock combo." Fox execs better make sure that Kiefer Sutherland doesn't wander into the Cafe today, lest he express his rage at their promotional neglect by getting grievously drunk and asking permission to destroy the "Fucking CTU Salad Bar" in disgust.

Normally, news from Sunday (even from across the Atlantic) feels positively ancient by midweek (blame the internets), but since we're still desperately clinging to the holiday spirit, join us in spiking that final glass of probably-still-good eggnog and gather around the crackling fire to hear the incredible tale of Drunken Kiefer Sutherland Vs. That Fucking Christmas Tree, as told by the always-reliable folks at the British Sunday Mirror:

Vanity Fair's Nina Munk is following the AOL/TW saga in preparation for a book. If it's optioned for film, Munk's casting choices are as follows: "Peter Gallagher as Bob Pittman; Burt Reynolds as Ted Turner; Dustin Hoffman as Gerald Levin; James Earl Jones as Richard Parsons; and either Michael Douglas or Kiefer Sutherland (with his hair darkened, presumably) as Steve Case."
Eyeing media [IWantMedia]