• It's true: Larry Birkhead does look pretty psycho in the baby cheesecake shots he sold to OK. [NYP]
  

• We bid farewell to Don Imus in song.
  

Glaring Omissions reproduces tips received from readers in the last week that weren't covered on Gawker, either by accident (it happens!) or by design (it happens more often).

· Birkhead is characterized as a "man of mystery," apparently due in no small part to the fact that his MySpace profile is set to "private." [AP]
· Larry told friends he plans on staying in the Bahamas for a little while, delaying Dannielynn's debut at the Ivy for another month at least. [Fox411]

Remember how Larry Birkhead was going to get, like, gobs of money for a print exclusive? And how yesterday's announcement that he's the bona fide father would only cement that deal? We hear Larry has yet to put a deal into place, and for once, it's not about the money—it's about him being totally indecisive. "It's not like he keeps asking for more money, he just isn't making any decisions. I understood not wanting to jinx it before the paternity was decided, but he should really make a call now," says a tabloid-type person. And, look, there he is, yapping away on the Today show this morning. Tonight he'll be on Access Hollywood. At this point, there's almost no more information left for an exclusive—he'd better hope Dannielynn photographs well.

· Enjoy this video of Larry breaking the good news: "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but: I told you so!" If you look closely, you can see money being exchanged between the giddy Bahamian law enforcement officials in the background.
· Prince Zsa Zsa the Fourth's official concession statement is the model of good sportsmanship: "We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best." [TMZ]

Admittedly, we had prepared in advance for other possible outcomes, but in our hearts, we always knew that no amount of baby home hair-coloring products could cover the golden locks Larry Birkhead passed down to his genetic progeny. Moments ago, the elated Entourage background player announced to a gathered crowd that Dannielynn was 99.9999% his. Howard K. Stern then told reporters he was "obviously very disappointed," but that he would "do everything I can to make sure he gets sole custody," as opposed to the baby's overzealous grave-filling grandmother Virgie Arthur. Reports then have the two former adversaries hugging it out, bitch—a tender moment of reconciliation that would have been incredibly moving if it didn't instantly bring to mind the slashfic Stern-on-Birkhead fantasy that scarred us some weeks ago. Developing...

Ladies and gentlemen, Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn. We can all sleep more soundly tonight knowing that all is right in the world, and that Larry Birkhead will be getting both $5 million and a baby, for sure.

Sweet mother of God, the DNA test results of Anna Nicole-spawn Dannielynn will finally be announced tomorrow, bringing our long, collective nightmare to what will undoubtedly be an anticlimactic conclusion. There's practically no one left who believes that someone other than Larry Birkhead could be the daddy. Even that poor sap Howard K. Stern has all but conceded defeat. (Though Prince von Anhalt could be a dark horse! Wouldn't that throw everything into disarray?) Of course, this is just where things start to get fun—and expensive—for the celebrity magazines and the tabloid TV shows.

TMZ is reporting an "all systems go" for the Big Daddy Reveal tomorrow, with major players in the Dannielynn Smith paternity case descending upon Nassau, including the expert from Ohio who oversaw the testing, and frontrunner Larry "Bullseye" Birkhead, seen here excitedly boarding an American Airlines flight, daydreaming about which terrifyingly oversized stuffed animal he'll present his newly won daughter with first. As for Howard K. Stern, the site quotes "unimpeachable sources" who insist he won't challenge for custody if the baby isn't his:

After submitting a DNA sample to Bahamian authorities (we prefer to maintain our blissful ignorance of how exactly that was achieved), Howard K. Stern made an 11th hour attempt at blocking the results. It was a legal action we're almost certain arose out his desire for privacy at this difficult moment, and not, say, because he bore even the slightest shadow of a doubt that Dannielynn wasn't stamped as 100% his own loinfruit product. Now comes word that the courts have shot down his appeal:

· After a brief stall for undisclosed legal reasons, the Bahamian inquest into the death of Daniel Smith is finally under way, with a jury of seven women selected to determine the circumstances surrounding the death that started it all. 40 witnesses are set to testify, including Stern, Birkhead, and hospital staff members who reportedly witnessed Howard K. Stern flushing methadone down a toilet soon after Daniel's body was discovered. It remains to be seen how an all-female jury might influence the proceedings, though we doubt they could get any more emotional during the verdict-reading than Judge Seidlin did. [CourtTV]
· A new theory about Anna Nicole's death (because it's still so easy to shoot holes in that whole "nine drugs in her system" one) was that she caffeined herself to death. More specifically, the combination of the antibiotic Cipro and tons of caffeinated soda in her system gave her intense insomnia, leading her to overdose on sleep-aid chloral hydrate. Take heed, Britney Spears: Coke's sweet syrupy release can potentially be deadly. [Fox911]

Rita Cosby, MSNBC's in-house champion for Anna Nicole Smith-related justice and any incidental ratings that might haphazardly come out of that crusade, reports (and TMZ instinctively regurgitates like a sparrow feeding its scoop-hungry young) that our national (not that one) might soon be over: Larry Birkhead and the baby he claims is his own both have had DNA samples extracted:

In this magical, DVR-enabled era in which we live, viewers need only press a button to confirm that the tussled blonde extra they spotted on a repeat airing of Entourage was, in fact, a central player in the Anna Nicole Smith saga: Larry Birkhead. Radar Online posts a screencap of Birkhead's turn as an Ari Gold underling, assigned to the challenging task of reigniting former Viking Quest star Johnny Chase's flagging career. How Birkhead, whose occupation is usually referred to as photographer, wound up cast as an expendable AMA redshirt is anyone's guess: As Radar points out, his name doesn't appear anywhere on IMDB (which could change just as soon as the MOW conveyor belt starts pooping out Anna Nicole miniseries), and his page on Studio System lists precisely zero credits. Regardless, the mere involvement of a leading paternity candidate instantly throws a new light on the industry-satirizing series, making us wonder if other Entourage bit players—from Paul Haggis to Peter Dinklage to Seth Green—might also be worthy of consideration in the Dannielynn Smith Genetic Sweepstakes.

We here at Defamer are fully aware that the public may have long since reached its saturation point with Anna Nicole Smith death coverage, and that nothing short of a decomposed Smith knocking from within her casket during her "over the top" Bahamas funeral, then climbing out to perform a surprisingly on-key rendition of "Don't Cha" for the gathered guests, would warrant mentioning. You may be amazed to learn, however, that there are fascinating, still unexplored avenues to this bizarre tale, even if they only exist on alternate-reality planes. Without further ado, then, we proudly present for you some hot Howard K. Stern-on-Larry Birkhead slashfic action:

• Larry Birkhead, one of Anna Nicole's many possible impregnators, tried to get her off drugs while she was up the stick, but his efforts were met with resistance. [NYDN]