"Cozy" is not the same as "together." But we can still wonder why Owen Wilson is sitting next to Kate Hudson, or if Alex Rodriguez is again flirting with Madonna via the idea of being her neighbor.
The Vanity Fair Oscar party was, this year more than ever, the center of the celebrity vortex, devouring other party-throwers Prince, Elton John, Madonna and adorable twitterering couple Demi and Ashton.
• Get the welcome wagon ready: Jennifer Aniston may be moving to New York soon, both to be closer to John Mayer and because she's filming her next two movies here. [Fox 411]
• A bunch of people who attended Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's Oscars party at Guy Oseary's house ended up leaving early and heading over to the more popular Vanity Fair bash instead. Kate Winslet screamed "Wooo!" at everyone who congratulated her (and later tripped down a small set of steps), a tipsy Natalie Portman flirted with Twilight's Robert Pattinson, and Mick Jagger chatted up every woman that came within two feet of him. [P6, NYDN, E!, Mirror]
• Madonna looked conspicuously wrinkle-free while squiring Jesus Luz around LA last weekend and eventually ran into Sean Penn on Sunday night. After congratulating him on his Oscar win, he pointed in Luz's direction and replied, "Thanks. Another kid already?" [NYDN, DS, Sun]
• Nicky Hilton placed a homeless man under "citizen's arrest" after he pushed her on to the ground outside an IHOP. Seriously. [Us]
Not that charity is ever bad in any form, but Madonna could probably do better than sending old clothes and her own damn children's book to the Malawi orphanage where she found her son, David.
Ed Westwick and Jessica Szhor walking in the meatpacking district ... Peaches Geldof shopping in SoHo with a friend ... Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger kissing in the West Village ... Katie Holmes showing up to the set of her new film in Chelsea ... Leighton Meester and Chace Crawford shooting scenes for Gossip Girl outside Noho Star on Lafayette Street ... and Dustin Hoffman standing on the sidewalk outside of Nello's on Madison Avenue.
Barack Obama's people might throw East Coast media elite parties at the Four Seasons, but they totally make up for it with that penny-pinching cabinet member from Kansas.
• Bruce Wasserstein has been keeping busy. In between splitting up with his third wife and marrying his fourth, he found the time to have a baby with a recent Columbia Business School grad, with whom he's now sharing custody of a 10-month-old girl. [P6]
• The LAPD have launched an investigation into who leaked a confidential photo of a battered and bruised Rihanna to TMZ. [TMZ, E!]
• Whitney Port said this week that Olivia Palermo can be "very difficult to worth with," and that she occasionally wants to "slap her." Join the club. [AH]
• Madonna is reportedly planning to use the Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday to introduce Jesus Luz to the world as her new boyfriend. [OK!]
• Portia De Rossi is reportedly preparing to undergo IVF so she and Ellen DeGeneres can have a baby. [SFGate]
• Hope you're sitting down for this one. Donald Trump Jr. and his wife Vanessa had a baby yesterday. It was a boy. And he will now bear a burden for the rest of his life: His parents named him Donald J. Trump III. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan is launching a self-tanning line called Stay Gold. Finally! [NYDN]
• "Real Housewife" Bethenny Frankel was spotted using coupons at a hair salon. [P6]
• After dating for about half a century, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart may finally be ready to get hitched. [Cindy Adams]
• Please note that Walter Cronkite is not related to social/art scenester Kipton Cronkite, despite his claims to the contrary. [P6]
Which is less appropriate: A brand-newmom performing at the Oscars, from bed, or an image-conscious Olympian trying to lay low in a strip club? Decide for yourself.
Lindsay Lohan isn't aware how blood-sugar deprived she sounds when talking about her normal diet, and Alex Rodriguez doesn't realize how desperate he looks when with three ladies on his arm.
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson skipped out of a Valentine's Day appearance at the Hard Rock in Florida, supposedly because both had come down with the flu. But they didn't appear too sick the night before when the pair were spotted in a screaming match outside the Charlotte Ronson after-party on the Lower East Side. [People, NYP, NYDN]
• Chris Brown now says he's "sorry and saddened" over the incident with Rihanna. [LAT]
• Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault got married on Saturday. [People]
• Amy Sacco says she's planning to do a reality show for Bravo. [NYDN]
• Dina Lohan owes $11,485 in back taxes on her Long Island home. [P6]
• Jesus Luz's mother says her son has been "kidnapped" by Madonna. Also, in case you're wondering, Madge is the same age as his grandmother. [NYP, DM]
Madonna's current boyfriend, six-year-old 22-year-old schoolboy model Jesus Pinto da Luz, has been stolen, his parents claim. He's not allowed to call them and is being held captive at the singer's Maldives lair.
• Madonna is supposedly furious with Alex Rodriguez for returning to his ex-wife Cynthia after the steroid scandal broke a few days ago; we're guessing she won't be too happy with the pics of A-Rod partying with a group of girls in the Bahamas the weekend before, either. [NYDN, NYP]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. [People, P6]
• Cops will reinterview Rihanna and Chris Brown in the coming days. [NYDN]
• Mort Zuckerman had a nice, long, expensive lunch at the Four Seasons right after slashing benefits at the Daily News. [P6]
• Prince Harry has been ordered to undergo "sensitivity training." [People]
• It's still unclear what set off Chris Brown and Rihanna's fight on Sunday night (and both have been tucked away in hiding since it occurred). Could it have had something to do with Leona Lewis? Paris Hilton? Was a sexually transmitted disease involved? One person Brown might want to consider explaining himself to is Jay-Z, who reportedly "hit the roof" when he found out about the attack and is now telling friends that Chris is a "walking dead man." [Star, OK!, Gawker, NYP]
• Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love have been secretly dating for the past three weeks. Sounds like a perfect match. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry is in trouble for making racially-insensitive comments. [Sun]
The brutal Rihanna-Chris Brown spectacle got somehow worse, as did Miley Cyrus' racism scandal and the gossip about Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage. Must be Tuesday.
