· Siddhartha Deb's newest offering, "An Outline of the Republic," details the exploits of a disillusioned journalist. We're betting it's a long fucking book. At Sebastian Junger's playpen, Half King, 7pm. [Half King]
· Homeboy Pete Rock gets behind the decks tonight for Table 50's Root Down NYC party. Poor? Cheap? Poor and cheap? Get there before 10:30 and it's only 5 bucks. [flavorpill]
· David Remnick hosts a reading titled "The Power of the Pen: Does Writing Change Anything?" at Town Hall tonight, featuring a whole slew of literary hotshots. That's right: they won 5 Ellies, bitch. [PEN]

Friday:
· Gift of Gab, the wordsmith behind Bay-area duo Blackalicious, teams up with labelmate Lateef at Southpaw. Brooklyn's own (as opposed to everyone else who will in attendance) the Real Live Show opens with some homegrown hip-hop funk. [flavorpill]
· Here's a secret as guarded as Anderson Cooper's sexuality: Beck is playing a "surprise" show at Hiro tonight. No ticket? No interest? OC rockers Ambulance LTD play at Northsix in Billyburg. [Paper]
Saturday:
· Flavorpill calls the PEN World Voices Festival the undoubted "literary event of the year." Yeah, if you're literate. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of people we've only read about, and not actually read: Salman Rushdie, Wole Soyinka, Margaret Atwood, Ryszard Kapuscinski, yada yada yada. [flavorpill]
· Calling all Vice/Fader/Spin (psyche! Not quite hip enough) readers: this UK grime thing that has you drooling will finally rear its mish-mashed little head up on the left side of the Atlantic tonight at Crash Mansion. Do it just to do it before the trend's dead. [GoldSpot]
Sunday:
· We'll be honest: we haven't the faintest clue who artist Leon Golub is. We do know, though, that a bunch of people with ridiculously awesome names (Hans Haacke, Declan McGonagle, Phong Bui) are celebrating his legacy tonight at Cooper Union. Who said art's not fun? [flavorpill]
· Weren't you supposed to do some shit for the IRS?

· Break out that grungy flannel shirt, tell your mom you're sleeping at Jimmy's (yes, his parents are home), and drive your white Bronco over to Dewey's Flatiron Bar for their "I Love the 90s" party. 9:00pm till the cops come and break it all up. [Upcoming]
· Times cultural critic Margo Jefferson, NYU Journalism prof Ellen Willis, Air America's Laura Flanders, and performance artist Karen Finley get together at the Cantor Film Center to roast the lovely women of the Bush administration. A slide show of Jenna doing the ass dance at Nerveana follows. [flavorpill]
· Adolescent pop fantasy chick Annie brings her pretty little Norwegian self to the Tribeca Grand Hotel tonight for a show (it's no wonder the little boy bloggers are obsessed with her). We still love Kylie more, but that's because we're gay. [BrooklynVegan]

· Tonight at the Bowery, Frenchite Anthony Gonzalez of M83 brings his brand of distorted shoegazing synth riffs; everyone's favorite atmospheric German, Ulrich Schnauss, brings his orchestral beats; you bring the drugs. Tomorrow's show is sold out. [flavorpill]
· American portraitist Alex Katz talks about his "creative process" at the American Federation of Arts tonight. Those artists and their artist mumbo-jumbo jargon. Can't we just call finger-painting what it is? [TONY]
· Rene Steinke and Paula Kamen take part in the latest installment of the Cupcake reading series at Lolita tonight. The website also mentions that Ms. Steinke's husband is Craig Marks, Editor of Blender magazine. Yay for advocating female independence! [Cupcake]

· Home Land author Sam Lipsyte, David Rees of Get Your War On, and Steve Burns (yes, he's alive!) perform as Bob & Todd's Pen Pals! tonight at the Marquee Theater, where they will put on a show based on different forms of correspondence (letters, IMs, email, fanmail, hatemail, smoke signals, etc). [flavorpill]
· Former White House press monkey Ari Fleischer likely talks about a whole lotta nothing, but does so with a whole lotta words. See him babble at the 92nd Street Y tonight. [92Y]
· It's Immigrant History Week, but we don't quite get the "history" part — immigration is alive and well in our apartment building. In honor of the 14 people crammed into unit 3D, the International Center has put together a lovely panel of writers (including Pulizer Prize nominee Susah Choi). [CL]

· Flavorpill notes that John Ashbery is a "metaphysician of refined literary labyrinths who politely penetrates the vertiginous voices of modern verse." Looks like somebody went to graduate school. He reads with Anne Waldman tonight. [flavorpill]
· Sonic Youth plays at the Hiro Ballroom in the Maritime Hotel tonight. We find this pairing just as bizarre as you do. [Sonic Youth]
· Blues-y garage rock duo The Kills play Bowery tonight. Just don't call them the White Stripes. [NY Press]

· Not cool enough to get tickets to the sold-out Bloc Party show last night at the Bowery? Then you're probably not cool enough to get into tonight. Join the club. [BB]
· Kung Fu Hustle, named best film of the Hong Kong Film Awards, is being billed as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on steroids. This is undoubtedly a good thing, since, quite frankly, that tiger movie was boring as hell. In any event, it opens tonight. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
· Parker Posey, Harry Shearer, Michael McKean, and the rest of the Christoper Guest mockumentary fellowship congregate at MoMA for some good ol' fashioned, unscripted conversation. Make sure to ask the members of Spinal Tap if they can crank it up to an 11 during their accoustic performance. [flavorpill]
· Flip a coin, Hipster X: The Fiery Furnaces play at Bowery; Austin rockers And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead play at Irving Plaza. [Irving & BB]
Sunday:
· We got nothing. Bongs, TiVo, or, God forbid, the great outdoors. The possibilities are endless.

· The lovely Asian actors of Mr. Miyagi's Theatre Company used to play all the typecast Asian roles on Seinfeld and Sex and the City, till they went and made their own off-Broadway show. We knew Asians were industrious. Go see the fruit of their labor—Sides: The Fear is Real—at P.S.122 tonight. [flavorpill]
· Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy and Stanford Law School professor Lawrence Lessig discuss the commerical and legal issues surrounding the "Internet-enabled freeing of culture." Note the irony of being able to watch their conversation via webcam instead of plunking down 10 bucks and actually going to the New York Public Library. [NYPL]
· The writers of the Daily Show are funny. Stepsister Wonkette is funny, too. God knows what will happen when they collide forces at the Museum of TV and Radio tonight. Our money's on anal, predictably. [Upcoming]

Tale of Two Cities points us to Newsday's awesome "impulse!" nightlife reviews, written by the most discerning post-college kids this side of Murray Hill. On the latest LES "hotspot" that you never wanted, Libation, 22 year-old Jennifer Bisram writes:

The Post spends some quality time with the diabolical men behind the velvet ropes, Richie Akiva and Scott Sartiano of Butter and Noel Ashman of NA. Apparently, these guys' jobs are really hard — they have (bolivian?) insomnia and have to work, like, every day. So it goes, we suppose, when your job is to make sure your famous "friends" are having fun. Being fabulous was never supposed to be easy:

· Evidently, pedophilia wasn't creepy enough for Kevin Bacon—his new film, Loverboy, chronicles the behavior of a dangerously overprotective mother. Check it out at the Gen Art Film Festival, which kicks off tonight. [flavorpill]
· Go see the newest, hippest, Jewiest author, Shalom Auslander, read from his book Beware of God at the Astor Place Barnes & Noble tonight at 7pm. Jews and hipsters unite! Oh wait, that already happened.
· All the cool kids go see dance punkers Radio 4 and Lake Trout at the Bowery Ballroom; all the cool kids with parents go see Maroon 5 and the Donnas at Radio City Music Hall. We'll be at the latter. [BB & RC]

· Irving Plaza gets all Model UN: Scottish quintet Dogs Die In Hot Cars, French electro synth-rockers Phoenix, and Long Island Brit-pop duo Joy Zippers all play together tonight like one big Euro(trash) family. [Paper]
· Death by internets? We should all be so lucky. See for yourself at "Pulse," Kiyoshi Kurosawa's tale of technology gone haywire. 8:00pm, Makor. [92Y]
· Eagles of Death Metal and the Hold Steady appease both the drunk blogger and drunk dancer set tonight at Bowery Ballroom. We just love it when everyone's happy. [flavorpill]

· Shake that booty like it's goin out of style: DJ Scribe (formerly of Halycon) and DJ Language (currently of Negroclash) go head-to-head on the ones and twos tonight at Table 50. [flavorpill]
· McSweeney's violence aficionado William Vollmann and Jewish wunderkind Jonathan Safran Foer (with the gilded manse of Brooklyn gold) participate in little Q and A tonight at the 92nd Street Y. Ask the former how he expects anyone to actually complete his 3,000-plus page treatise on political violence, and the latter on how he deals with being so precocious. [92Y]
· Keep on telling yourself you're cultured and head over to the French Institute Alliance Fran aise, where they'll be screening the first two installments of French director Eric Rohmer's Six Moral Tales series. BYO Gauloises. [TONY]

· The Brooklyn Academy of Music kicks off a Mike Nichols retrospective tonight with a screening of "The Graduate," followed by a discussion with the man himself. Be sure to thank him for putting dreamboat Clive Owen in "Closer." [Paper]
· San Fran indie hip-hop mainstay Lyrics Born skips the bling and raps about life's simple pleasures at the Knitting Factory tonight. Be sure to take the Bentley on dubs over to Tribeca. [flavorpill]
· Sarah Vowell reads from her new book, Assassination Vacation, tonight at the Barnes and Noble at Astor Place. Look out for fellow McSweeney's folk, "This American Life" scribes, and animated superheroes. [Barclay]

· Robert Christgau, the Village Voice's terse rock critic, muses on the importance of being brief with fellow Voice jazz columnist Gary Giddins. Pitchfork, take note. [flavorpill]
· Slim pickins' in the closet? Regular-variety shopaholic? Check out "A Vintage Affair" at the City Opera Thrift Shop between 6-9. Becuse nothing says "this look is the new me" like rockin a bunch of clothes that dead people used to wear. [TONY]
· BlackBook magazine and Vulgar invade the inferno of hip (aka Happy Ending) tonight at 11. No cover gets you what you paid for: new wave, britpop and post-punk, all flowing freely from DJ and BlackBook EIC Aaron Hicklin. Between songs, try to pitch the hell out of him. [Happy Ending]

· New Yorker pop music critic Sasha Frere Jones moderates a panel at Columbia's J-School on — you guessed it — blogs, featuring editors from Rolling Stone, Fader, and a member of TV on the Radio. Good to see those big tuition dollars are being spent to keep students on the techological up and up. [flavorpill]
· There's another tsunami on the way and the kiddos in Darfur keep on dying, but Tonic has recouped 90% of the money they need to stay afloat. Yay! Yo La Tengo perform tonight to help 'em make that last push. [Tonic]
· In case you missed 'em last week, What's Up NYC tells us that newest British "it" band, the Kaiser Chiefs, perform at the Spin magazine office tonight at 6:30. They also tell us that RSVP-ing is necessary. They do not, however, tell us where to send said RSVP. We're sure you'll find a way around this problem. [WUNY]

Sometimes, Lonely Planet just doesn't give would-be tourists the NYC insight they need to "blend" and not wander about "amorously." Thankfully, there's the internet and southern belles with marginal html skills to pick up the slack. Their tips for visiting New York include wearing a black winter coat, avoiding the MAC counter at Bendel's, and not trying to pick up a hetero man in Chelsea. Wise insights, indeed. As for the "hot spots" for NYC nightlife:

· Have the sneaking suspicion that corporate America is stealing your soul? Well, duh. Get further proof for your pudding at tonight's panel of media analysts and advertising bigwigs at the Kimmel Center, hosted by Douglas Rushkoff and inspired by his PBS piece The Persuaders. Be sure to start a revolution afterwards, you commie. [flavorpill]
· You're pretty much the only without tickets to tonight's sold-out Walkmen show with Ben Kweller, but, if you're willing to sell your hymen on Craigslist, you can probably still join in the sweeping, angsty fun. [Irving]
· Tonight marks the 16th annual GLAAD Media Awards, aka "The Gay Oscars," which honors just about everyone who's made the world a little bit better for CNN anchors. [TONY]

Friday
· Take a gander at America s funkiest home videos when curators Geoff Haas, Joe Pickett, and Nick Prueher bring their Found Footage Festival to Galapagos. Thankfully, this will be a Tom Bergeron-free evening. [flavorpill]
· We predict a riot — or a least a mob of drunken British hooligans — as the Kaiser Chiefs rock out at the Bowery Ballroom tonight. Premier League attire suggested. [BB]
· If you ever watched an episode of public access fave This or That! and thought to yourself, Man, I wish I could see this show in-person, then you re a pervert and require a long, cold shower. The self-proclaimed America s favorite burlesque gameshow (though we don t doubt it) goes live tonight at the Belt Theater. [ToT]
Saturday
· Behold Paul Scheer s awe-inspiring, gap-toothed grin at the UCB tonight when his comedy troupe, Respecto Montalban, perform their latest show, "Good vs. Elvis." Personally, we re pulling for Elvis, but that s just because Evil isn t on the card.
UCB [UCB]
· Sundance fave "Murderball" gets a preview screening tonight at Alice Tully Hall as part of the New Directors/New Films series. If you can think of a better film about quadriplegic rugby players, we d love to hear about it. [ATH]
Sunday
· In the pantheon of rock & roll siblings, the brothers Robinson rank somewhere between the brothers Gallagher and the brothers Nelson. Watch the boys dust off their guitars and catch yet another Black Crowes reunion show at the Hammerstein. Be sure to watch mom-in-law Goldie dance like she's 40 again. [BC]

· Queens of the Stone Age hold court at Webster Hall in support of the recently released Lullabies To Paralyze. Word to the wise: don't scream, More cowbell! during Little Sister. [BB]
· Last time The Bravery came to town, a determined hater plastered the streets of Brooklyn with posters likening the band to Milk: prepackaged, homogenized, and watered-down. We don't know about that, but we do know milk has quite a following. See for yourself when the New York natives hit Rothko tonight for the first of three homecoming shows. [Rothko]
· All comedians have a dark side. Paula Poundstone s alcoholism. Bob Saget's career. Chris Rock s ass. (Oh yes we did.) And then there s McSweeney s poltical satirst Kevin Guilfoile, who won t be bringing the yucks tonight when he reads from his murder mystery novel, Cast of Shadows, at the Chelsea Barnes & Noble. [flavorpill]