Whether you're a child, an adult desperately trying to cling to the bygone symbols of childhood, or simply have a poorly developed palate, the fact is, you love Cap'n Crunch™ brand breakfast cereal, despite all of the good reasons not too. Well, good news, corn syrup fetishists: contrary to published reports, your beloved cartoon-clad corn byproduct nuggets are not disappearing.

Ad Age reports that Quaker Oats is not—repeat, not—becoming extinct. "Reports of Cap'n Crunch's demise are greatly exaggerated," says the Quaker Oats Corporation, in a heartening statement. Why did everyone fear the Cap'n was dying out?

A Fox News blog cited the Daily Finance story under the headline "Food Police Kill Cap'n Crunch," playing off the original story's suggestion that pressure from the federal government — including first lady Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign — "may explain why the Cap'n is less visable than he was in years past."

A Fox News story that Michelle Obama is part of a government conspiracy to take away a beloved American icon turns out to be less than accurate? Sure, believe that if you want. More Cap'n Crunch for me to stockpile.

[Ad Age]