No Strings Attached. Friends With Benefits. Friends With Strings. Attached With Benefits. Are there any differences to any of these movies? Not really. One stars an overexposed, overconfident pretty boy who fancies himself a high tech mogul, and so does the other one. One features an actress that starred as a prima ballerina in the movie Black Swan, and so does the other one. One is a shitty romcom about falling in love with a fuckbuddy, and so is the other one. THEY ARE THE SAME MOVIE, YOU SEE. Still not convinced? Then watch this video. [via BoingBoing]

Stand proud, America. People might say we're a nation of self-obsessed simpletons who make no redeeming contributions to the world economy. But Ashton Kutcher knows different. And today, he said so.

Arnold's former underage fling describes several other affairs, one of which Maria supposedly knew about. The Brangelina brood makes a "giant mess" in Cannes. Lea Michele throws a tantrum over a dress. It's TGIFriday gossip.

It seems as though Ashton Kutcher is about to throw his hat back into the sitcom ring—and in a way you never saw coming. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the former That 70s Show star will return to primetime this fall—for a "big payday"—when he replaces Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, which is still somehow the top-rated comedy on television.

Your crush from the early '90s is in trouble and he needs your help. Particularly if you are an executive at Fox television. Also today: NBC announces some new shows, Craig Kilborn is back in the game, and Stephenie Meyer wins again.

How do we know Silicon Valley is inflating an unsustainable tech investment bubble? Because Hollywood dope Ashton Kutcher and his technologically enhanced mate Demi Moore have somehow become mascots for tech investment. Sell, by God. Sell!

Oh dear. Ashton Kutcher and his old lady Demi Moore are apparently, and justifiably, upset about human trafficking. So upset, in fact, that they called up some of their celebrity friends — Justin Timberlake, Jamie Foxx, the Old Spice guy - and had them make anti-slavery ads. Good for them! Too bad the ads are completely befuddling.

Hey, look: Ashton Kutcher's Twitter account was hacked in the name of Internet justice. Someone broke into his account and posted the tweets above. (Judging from their messages, they probably used the notorious "Firesheep" application, which makes it easy for anyone to hijack other people's unsecured browsing sessions over wi-fi.)

It turns out Jennifer Aniston isn't completely unlovable, because living Abercrombie polo Ashton Kutcher wants to go out on a date with her. Kutcher was on the BBC this weekend talking about how he wants a date with the perpetually single Aniston to win a $1,000 bet he made with a friend in college, and he's not letting his wife, Demi Moore, get in the way either.

Ashton Kutcher and ageless simulacra of a human female Demi Moore lounge on a beach on the Caribbean. Ashton's book? The Youth Pill: Scientists at the Brink of an Anti-Aging Revolution. Or, as Demi likes to call it, "All the Scientists I'm Going to Bribe for Experimental Cosmetic Procedures Next Week." [Image via INF]

A slow weekend saw the ladies rushing out to the cineplexes to have their fun before football madness descended upon the land and all was boy until Monday.

Ashton and Demi ignore a chorus of boos in Brazil. Charlie Sheen's rehab center is actually just his house. Glee apologizes to Lindsay Lohan. Helen Bonham Carter praises her own "huge breasts." Tuesday gossip is enhanced with video.

In terms of acting legends going toe-to-toe, this was a battle to end all battles. In the end, Anthony Hopkins squeaked out a victory. Meanwhile, The King's Speech is enjoying more of a clear victory, heading toward mega-hit status.

In a song entitled, "My Sober," Ashton and step-daughter, Scout sing an ode to coffee.

Cinema's most annoying actor is absolutely your fault, because you keep going to see movies that he is in! Stop doing that! But please keep going to see The King's Speech, because that makes us look good.

[Natalie Portman at the premiere of "No Strings Attached," still plagued by the constant feeling that Ashton Kutcher is always right behind her. Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Here's a redband (read: swears!) trailer for No Strings Attached, the fuckbuddies "romantic" comedy starring actress-of-the-moment Natalie Portman and actor-of-the-never Ashton Kutcher. And it looks terrible.

Like many people, I have often idly wondered which actor from That 70s Show I would most want in my fallout shelter. And at last, I have a definitive answer: Ashton Kutcher. He's studying Muay Thai! He owns guns!

Ashton Kutcher's maybe-mistress milks her 15 minutes. The Baldwin family Christmas will be argumentative. "Taylor Momsen offends Scottish crowd," but not for the reason you think. Tuesday gossip will soon be naked.

They're not going to be a couple or anything, but they will both be in New Year's Eve. Also today: some exciting news items for the nerdy among us and AMC orders a new show, as does Nickelodeon.