To the delight of anyone who still uses “Gyeorrrrge Buuuuuushh” as a punchline in 2015, an image macro containing an embarrassing quote attributed to Donald Trump has been passed around on Twitter and Facebook.

What do two (ostensibly) serious candidates for President of the United States do when they butt heads on one of the most significant and sobering moments in American history to date? They do the same thing all petulant teens do when they want to cause a scene—they take it to Twitter.

The presidential campaign of timid celebrity child Jeb Bush has released an official physician’s letter stating that Jeb is in “excellent” physical condition. Excellent, Jebediah? Big talker.

A little secret of political journalism is that the vast majority of it is just some jerk’s opinion, which has a scientific value roughly equal to your own idiot opinion.

The very first Democratic debate of 2016 was mostly underwhelming with a few high and/or insane (which is to say, Jim Webb) moments. But there can only be one winner, and according to aspiring social media intern Donald Trump, that winner was Donald Trump.

During the first Democratic debate of the 2016 presidential cycle, the candidates were asked by moderator Anderson Cooper to reveal which enemy they were most proud of having made. They all gave rather predictable responses—the coal industry, the NRA, Republicans—until the question moved to Jim Webb, who sorta creepily talked about killing a guy, in the process glossing over what was actually a rather remarkable event in war.

Tonight at 8:30 p.m., all of our grandparents are going to fight in the Wynn hotel and casino in Las Vegas for the chance to be our Democratic nominee for President of the United States. And we’ll be liveblogging every crotchety, godforsaken second of it.

Hillary’s on top (currently leading the polls at 43 percent), the kids love Bernie (he’s reached a million online donors faster than any candidate ever before), and Joe Biden is playing coy. But with the first 2016 Democratic debates just hours away, one question remains: Who the hell are those other guys?

Jim Webb (who?) tweeted an article this afternoon entitled “Debate Preview: Why My Money’s on Jim Webb.” Unfortunately for Jim Webb, that article was intended as comedy.

On November 7, Donald Trump will take the Saturday Night Live stage in what will either be the greatest tragicomedy of our time or a complete and utter disaster. Either way, one thing is for certain: It is going to be very, very painful. We can’t wait.

Harvard professor and campaign finance reform crusader Lawrence Lessig is running for the Democratic nomination for president. He was not allowed in tonight’s debates. Luckily, he stopped by to explain his entire platform to us.

Realistically speaking, no one wants to be the Speaker of the House. It is an awful, thankless job that spells certain political death for whichever misguided soul ascends to its cursed ranks. That said, someone has to do it. And now that Kevin McCarthy is out of the running, throwing the House of Representatives into chaos, we’ve set out to find which people are actually willing to take the Speaker’s chair.

“Just 158 families, along with companies they own or control, contributed $176 million in the first phase of the campaign,” the New York Times reports—more money, mostly traveling through channels legalized by the Citizens United decision, from fewer (overwhelmingly Republican) sources than in nearly half a century.

I went to the White House this week, for the first and likely last time. Here is what I saw.

A group trying to entice “Diamond” Joe Biden into the presidential race is making the vice president an attractive offer: run, and we won’t show this dramatic television ad about your dead wife and daughter.

Ben Carson—neurosurgeon, presidential candidate, and alleged sponge-fumbler—has repeatedly warned that America could go the way of Nazi Germany if people “keep their mouths shut” and don’t “stand up.” His campaign manager doesn’t necessarily disagree, he just wishes the candidate would stop trying to make political points by bringing up Hitler.

Ben Carson, a celebrated neurosurgeon credited as the first surgeon to successfully separate twins conjoined at the head, has had his share of allegedly severe missteps, according to a new report from the National Enquirer. The investigation allegedly uncovered six malpractice lawsuits against the candidate, one of which accused him of leaving a sponge in a patient’s brain.

Earlier today, current non-Trump GOP frontrunner Ben Carson went on Fox and Friends to complain about President Obama’s “politicizing” of the Oregon shooting tragedy. And as with all of Ben Carson’s interviews—he probably would have been better off staying home.

America is the world’s richest and most powerful country. That’s why our democratic election process is the envy of the lesser, more civilized world.

Hedge fund managers tend to be secretive. Except for Anthony Scaramucci.