• Page Six bites a Gawker Stalker map sighting (yawn): Ellen Barkin threw a glass of water at her ex, Revlon mogul Ron Perelman's face and called him a "wifebeater" at the Waverly Inn. They add value to the item by including a pro forma publicist statement, though! [Page Six]
  

• Rachel Ray's new husband apparently has a kinky fondness for being spat on, claims a lady he paid to hawk loogies on his face. But not to worry, Rachel: "I virtually supported myself by spitting on him. But there was never any normal sex involved." Oh, phew! [R&M]
  

• It finally dawns on Rush & Molloy that Ivanka Trump hasn't always had giant fake tits. [R&M, 2nd item][Image via Egotastic]
  

• Travis Barker explains how he accidentally sort of fell into Paris Hilton's face or something. BTW, his birthday party is tonight at Marquee, if you're into that kind of thing. [SuicideGirls]
  

• Jude Law and Sienna Miller try to hop on the bandwagon that pulled out of the station last week by breaking up for the 48,000,000th time. [People]
  

• Ryan Phillipe hires, then promptly fires, a new flack. Dude made up some quotes — ex: "This is the hardest time of my life — I miss my family" — for In Touch. Unshocking. That quote sounds wildly inaccurate to us. [Page Six]
  

• Not to ruin your childhood memories or anything, but Bill Cosby just settled out of court with a lady who claims that he drugged her with Benadryl and then fondled her boobies. [E!Online]
  

• Last night, Brit celebrated by doing the same tourist crap your aunt does when she comes in from Jersey to catch a matineee of Beauty and the Beast: shopping at a Midtown Gap for $8 thongs and skating in Rockefeller Center. Presumably your aunt doesn't have a mysterious new paramour named Rudolph, though. [Hollyscoop]
  

• Page Six reports that Nicky is dating Jeffrey David Katzenberg, (ok, excuse us for not being smarter than Page Six. We've been doing this for a week. What's their excuse?) Dreamworks scion/Ashley Mary-Kate Olsen ex. "They have gone to dinner but have not hit the clubs together," reports an "LA spy." So it's only at, like, Defcon 2. [Page Six]
  

• Kevin Federline gets mocked to his face at his own album release party and fails to notice. Do you ever feel kind of jealous of really stupid people? Like, nothing can hurt them. [cityrag]
  

• Maya Rudolph and P. T. Anderson (who, in our book, count as 'good' celebrities) sue their landlord over broken elevator, bedbug infestation. [NYDN]
  

• Controversy over VF's December cover rages on. You know Borat wouldn't have gotten all lawyered-up about a wet/shirtless/white boxers shot, and that's because Borat is packing. Most pitiful is this quote from BP's publcist: "We had a great relationship with Vanity Fair. I don't know if this is going to affect that." (Headscratch). [Page Six]
  

• L. Lo admits that her whorey ways are inspired by Scary Sadshaw and her pals. Well, she is starting to look about 43.[Egotastic]
  

• Tom and Katie to marry in Mussolini's hideout. [China Daily]
  

• Marcia Cross doesn't want you to see her firecrotch. [R&M]
  

• Jessica Simpson addicted to online dating. Joe Simpson wants to know if it's Nerve or Match.com. [China Daily]
  

• K-Fed watches himself on screen, wonders how he can be in there if he's over here. [People]
  

• If we were in middle school, we'd totally call him 'Vajayjay Spears Federline'. Wait, we just did. [TMZ]
  

· Some dude is sending an ass-load of diarrhea medication to food poisoning victim, Lindsay Lohan. If it isn t FDA-approved, don t bother, says Lohan s rep, for whom FDA-approved apparently means coke. [Lowdown]
· Not to be outdone by new father Ben Affleck, Matt Damon seeds fianc Luciana Barroso. [Access Hollywood]
· Mary-Kate Olsen confesses the real reason she dropped out of NYU: "You know? Like, papers don't really make me happy." [Page Six]
· Mariah Carey and First Daughter Barbara Bush didn't know that the left ring finger is reserved for engagement rings. Somehow this doesn't surprise us. [Rush & Molloy]
· Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban hopes that his daughter has cankles. Evidently, one man's cankles is another man's "good college education." [Page Six]

• Aileen Mehle (aka: Suzy ) the gossip columnist who once said, I'm here to stay, like Mount Rushmore, is retiring her column after 50 years. Mount Rushmore says it will give it another year or two before packing it in and moving to Boca Raton. [Page Six]