Hey guys, all of this hurricane talk is so depressing. Why can't we think about something happy, like the theoretical baby that may have been put inside Sienna Miller's tummy by her nanny-mounting (ex?) fiancée, Jude "That Water I'm About To Get Into Looks So Cold!" Law? From Page Six:

The Gawker Media Legal Department (comprised entirely of an intern who bought an LSAT prep book but never took the exam) informs us that Jude Law's lawyers are not interested in fostering the scintillating debate about the actor's endowment. We've removed the offending images and replaced them with the one you see in this post, harkening us all back to a time when we were debating whether or not his member was perhaps too impressive, not a possible disappointment. God, it looked like he could fit two nannies onto that thing! Sigh. Those were the days.

Rather than join the "shower or grow-er" debate of yesterday, the folks at Salon decide to attack Jude Law's penis from a different angle, namely Why It Doesn't Matter If The Famous Actor Has A Wee Tallywacker: [you may have to watch an ad to read the story]

We at Defamer are committed to fostering constructive, thought-provoking debate. Shortly after posting this morning's item about the seemingly disappointing reality of Jude Law's dangling nanny-bait captured by a paparazzo's lens, some readers wrote in to the defend the naughty actor's member, advancing this crucial discussion through both a contrarian eyewitness account and an imperfect simulation of the controversial photo's conditions:

[Yes, there was an artfully cropped image here that has now been removed. You can thank Jude Law's lawyers for the deprivation.]

While tax incentives have lured bottom-line-obsessed studios to far-off lands like New Orleans, the newly Hollywoodized locations are also reaping the (perhaps) unexpected consequences of the money-bringing industry invasion: local alcohol shortages induced by thirsty underage starlets, caddish foreigners making a mockery of the Seventh Commandment, and the crushing guilt of realizing that your tax breaks have made abominations like Big Momma's House 2 possible. From the LAT:

As efficient as two shots from a silenced Walther P38 to the back of the head and as ruthlessly effective as a story in the trades, a simple phone call ended Pierce Brosnan's reign as James Bond.

Yesterday, the inboxes of various media types (and some fake-media blogger-types like us—thanks!) filled up with images of Jude Law inadvertently exposing his infamous nanny-tenderizer to a lucky paparazzo. Today, Page Six points at Law's possibly shrinkage-afflicted unit, throws back its collective head, and laughs and laughs.

• Thanks to everyone who's alerted us to the unsolicited photos of a naked Jude Law. Like Page Six, Sienna Miller, Sadie Frost, Daisy Wright, and God knows who else, we are unimpressed. But we still like to look. [Page Six]
• Judging from the $10,000 dollars Britney Spears spent on boyish baby clothes, it's safe to say that the Federletus has developed into a boy. Who will be born wearing a wifebeater, we assume. [Scoop]
• Perhaps Baby Federletus can have a playdate with the spawn of Bennifer Deuce (Affleck and Garner), who are having a girl. [R&M (4th item)]
• Matt Lauer has reportedly vacated his Trump Park Avenue refuge and returned to the condo he shared with his wife Annette. Of course, we have no idea if his wife is still actually there, but it's a step toward reconciliation. [Page Six]
• Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg says that since falling from her horse and breaking three ribs and her collarbone, Madge likely "won't be hanging from a disco ball anytime soon." Oh, the tragedy of it all... [NYDN]

• More on Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Okay, maybe she's 9 weeks into her first trimester, which is more preggers than we thought (although a Gawker reader who saw her on stage the other night reported that the actress looked rather skeletal). Also, Sienna believes Jude is a sex addict, which would explain why he can't stop porking anything with an orifice. [R&M]
• The US version of OK! magazine (hitting stands tomorrow, we believe) gets the first Michael Jackson post-trial, incredibly fluffy interview. Jackson was reportedly paid $2 million to sit down with the celebrity rag and got full approval over the article — so you know it'll still be perverted. [Page Six]
• If Lindsay Lohan is subpoenaed in her parents' ugly divorce trial, will she arrive to court late and too "sick" to testify? [NYDN]
• Pity the publisher who doesn't snap up David Gest's memoir of being beaten by ex-wife Liza Minnelli. That thing will be instant gold, we guarantee it. [Scoop]

Star, the bastard offspring of a celebrity OB/GYN and a Tourettes-afflicted town crier, adds a potentially exciting new chapter to the storybook romance of Sienna Miller and nanny-impaling fiancée Jude Law by reporting that Miller is a half-dozen weeks pregnant with Law's baby. And to heighten the already crippling drama of the situation, the once-happy couple allegedly announced the pregnancy to their families a mere two days before Law was publicly busted for admitted the extracurricular penetration of his child-care provider. Since all tabloid fetuses are highly theoretical creatures, like six-legged llamas made of white chocolate, the world should hold any judgmental tsk-tsking directed at Law's naughty baby-making boomstick (hasn't he suffered enough?) until next week, when it will almost certainly be posited that the actor has also knocked up the nanny.

Let's start the day off with some hard news, perhaps some fodder so that you might sound a bit more genius around the water cooler (unless, of course, you're stuck at Wenner media, in which case you don't have any water whatsoever*), shall we? Sienna Miller, the former fiancée of Jude Law, is reportedly six weeks pregnant with his large-headed child. Or so says AMI's Star magazine, and we know they're #1 in Celebrity Baby-Creation. According to our friends at AMI, Sienna and Jude announced the news to their family just two days before Jude came forth and confessed that he had an affair with his children's nanny.

The director of the Warhol movie Factory Girl wants the world to know that the attention that Jude Law's nanny-drilling antics gained for finacé Sienna Miller didn't help her (re)land the role of Edie Sedgwick:

It's been over a week since Jude Law's public apology for his naughty nanny-boffing activities brought worldwide shame to fiancée Sienna Miller, and the ensuing days have been filled with speculation about whether or not their engagement is officially on or off. Now the gossip rags have shifted into the next phase of the celebrity infidelity script, trying to figure out on whom Miller will use her free pass. Will she lash out at Law by sexually recycling male model ex-boyfriend David Neville? Or has Miller retaliated by dabbling in the borderline lesbianism represented by a fling with the girlish Orlando Bloom? So many questions, but only one answer will offer the kind of satisfying payback the public craves: a three-way with the horny nanny and Law's ex-wife, Sadie Frost. On a pool table.

· Here's the headline: "Ricky Martin Seeks End to Arab Stereotypes." Our only explanation is that many Arabs find themselves in the position of being stereotyped as gay-seeming Latin singers; in that case, they couldn't have a better advocate. Also: Congratulations to Martin for continuing to be alive. We were sure he'd died quietly a year and a half ago.
· Guess what? Kevin Federline might be something less than the Father of the Year. Yeah, we never could've seen it coming, either!
· Smrt-TV hands out its "Retroactive Alternative Emmys," and despite the inclusion of a "Best Use of Doggy Style Sex in a Series" category, Will & Grace is shut out.
· Have Scientologists appropriated the word "niacin" to replace "herpes"? An investigation is underway.
· What's the status of the engagement ring that nanny-penetrating actor Jude Law gave Sienna Miller? See this item, then go right back to not giving a shit unless it results in more ribald tales of nanny-tagging.

This is bad:

· If Marilyn Manson couldn't kill our Rose McGowan fantasies, then the merely wrinkly Al Pacino is hardly a threat.
· By the time you reach the end of this LA Times trend piece, enough time has elapsed that being a hipster is cool again.
· Jude Law's nanny refused a three-way, presumably on the grounds that it "wasn't adulteryish enough."
· Japan's version of Manny "The Copyright Respecting Stuntman" Perry is hella creepy: "...major Japanese film distributors have cooperated to produce an animated short film that is being screened throughout the country showing a girl shedding tears that turn into skulls, as an announcer says, 'Films are stolen, and so are impressive moments. Precious things are being tainted.'"
· Massachusetts fishermen catch Jabberjaws!

• Oil heir Brandon Davis isn't taking too well to being dumped by The O.C. star Mischa Barton. Apparently he's down in Tijuana, passed out in an alley from taking too many sleeping pills and tequila shots. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Tom Cruise has Scientology, Madonna has Kabbalah, and now director David Lynch has transcedental meditation. Finally, Lynch is normal, if only by default. [Page Six]
• Jude Law continues to beg for his fiancée Sienna Miller's forgiveness, but she's not wearing her ring. If we were the supportive types, we'd be shouting something along the lines of, "You go, girl!" But we're not, so we won't. [R&M]
• Al Pacino, Rose McGowan, vomit, rinse, repeat. [Page Six]

· "The two of us have chosen to take different paths, but will continue to support each other in the spirit of the goodness and light that brought us together." Commenting about the sudden, possibly stripper-induced cancellation of his client's wedding, Lorenzo Lamas's agent waxes surprisingly poetic. (Eh, you know his assistant wrote it.) Still, it's hard not to view any Lamas-related misfortune as karmic payback for Are You Hot?
· Kathy Hilton says what all of America's been thinking: "This show fucking sucks."
· Sienna Miller's mom doesn't know if her daughter and nanny-zapping fiancée Jude Law will reconcile, but allows that if she had a nanny that spicy, she'd have "hit it" too.
· For the record, Mia Farrow doesn't think that Roman Polanski hit on that Swedish chick, either.

• Calvin Klein's latest Times Square advertising adventure, in which models are bribed to live like peasants in exchange for clean needles, starts tomorrow at 7 a.m. Someone do send pics! [AdJab]
• Rupert Murdoch buys MySpace.com from $580 million. Which is only slightly more than he paid for his new Fifth Avenue triplex. [MarketWatch]
• Would the Jude Law infidelity story be any good if the nanny-mistress didn't keep a diary detailing sex on the pool table? We think not. [Mirror]
• Dude, you know you think Bobby Novak his the perfect DSLs. Get out and vote! [Gawker]
• The horror of an unsolicited Scientology attack on an unsuspecting mailbox. [mchruinoff]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs is interrupted by bullshit. What else is new? [Crooks and Liars]