The Levi Johnston-Bristol Palin custody battle finally ends. The Lohans talk about their daughter. Nicole Richie got a new cat. Miley Cyrus wants a boob job. What's more humiliating than being dumped via press release? Welcome to Saturday Gossip Roundup.

World's greatest mother Dina Lohan (aka yours truly) was on The Today Show this morning to SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT about her daughter Lindsay's jail stint (completed) and rehab stint (in progress). Several times, things got heated. Videos inside.

Ready to cringe? Videos of Lindsay Lohan hawking "facebook messages" for a company have just surfaced. We can't figure out who'd want to send these to our troops—or if this is worse than her ad for Fornarina jeans.

Someone on Mischa's yacht is a mole—is no starlet in St. Tropez is safe? Christina Ricci says Rob Pattinson is an "awesome" kisser. Ke$ha was a band geek. Hilary Duff is getting hitched. TGIFriday gossip.

LiLo got a good deal by being allowed to serve most of her sentence in rehab at cushy UCLA Medical Center. Now, the prosecutor on Lohan's case says Lindsay will probably be released before her court-ordered 90 days are up.

After impressing the nation by giving Lindsay Lohan a stern sentence for breaking probation, Judge Marsha Revel has removed herself from the case after a prosecutor alleged that she'd improperly discussed Lindsay's treatment with outside sources.

Today the New York Daily News tries to blame Lindsay Lohan, Tiger Woods, Naomi Campbell and Levi Johnston's recent mishaps on the summer heat. "Sizzling summer meltdowns," the headline screams. Unfortunately, the two are completely unrelated.

Lady Gaga crowd surfs in pasties and fishnet, and gets licked. Dina Lohan plans a family garage sale. Katy Perry's new song is about how bad her ex-boyfriend was in bed. Monday gossip is orally fixated.

The Salahis have a party at a gay bar! Bob Barker is scared of pregnant women. Teresa Giudice is selling her suit of armor. Taylor Momsen screwed a priest (just kidding). Sunday's Gossip Roundup is toad-ally frog-some.

Wondering what happened during actress Lindsay Lohan's brief stint in the slammer? According to Taiwanese CGI news outfit Next Media Animation, it was sort of like Lady Gaga's "Telephone" video. But with more lesbian shower sex.

For next month's Harper's Bazaar cover, Jennifer Aniston makes like a drag queen and imitates Barbra Streisand. Between this and Lindsay Lohan's incessant Marilyn Monroe impression, the starlets-imitating-starlets trend has officially gone too far.

Katy Perry pontificates on Google Alert addictions. Laurence Fishburne isn't speaking to his porn star daughter. George Clooney's girlfriend knows you're jealous of her, and she will rub her happiness in your face. Wednesday gossip indulges bad habits.

The Taiwanese company that's made a niche for itself animating some current news stories has put out one that examines Lindsay Lohan's life and struggles. Never ones to let facts hold them back, this one also includes a shower scene.

Maxim's new Lindsay Lohan cover story coincides with the starlet's freedom. Gisele Bundchen tells women what to do with their breasts. Christina Hendricks used to be goth. Pregnant man has third child. Tuesday gossip lifts and separates.

Lindsay Lohan is either "in good spirits" or "depressed" on day one of rehab. She may have had a "spiritual revelation." She is either thankful or indignant. She is sought-after. Meanwhile, her dad "sucks the life out of another blonde."

After thirteen days of incarceration, Lindsay Lohan has been released. Justin Bieber is writing an "illustrated memoir." T.I. tied the knot, and so did James Van Der Beek. Monday gossip is free at last.

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail at 1:35 am (Pacific) today. Next stop: rehab!

After Lindsay Lohan is released from jail she will check into Morningside Recovery, a facility that specializes in meth and opiate detoxification, for 90 days. A "source" told TMZ that meth and opiates are her "drugs of choice." Hmm.

With her alcohol-monitoring SCRAM bracelet visible on her ankle, Lindsay Lohan smiles and poses like Marilyn Monroe over a sidewalk grate—then whips out two handguns and "settles the score with the media." The ShamWow guy is there, too.

The site of Lindsay Lohan's forthcoming court-ordered in-patient rehabilitation has been revealed: Newport Beach's Morningside Recovery clinic, a seaside facility that treats chemical addiction and mental illness.