• The Guðmundsdóttir-Barneys anchored their sleek black yacht off Long Island City. Of course. [Page Six]
  

• Lindsay Lohan gets booked, released on bail yesterday for her DUI. [TMZ]
  

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith (nice four-some!) are throwing the "Welcome to America" party for Posh and Becks this weekend. "Invitations went out all over Hollywood . . . they were printed on red velvet with tacky gold lettering." [Page Six]
  

Two equally frightening-exciting announcements this morning! How great! How scary!

• Jon Lovitz pounds Andy Dick's face in. Eyewitness: "Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." That's terrible! And sort of deeply wonderful. [Page Six]
  

• If we have to see naked pictures of Lindsay Lohan in the course of our job duties, we will sue someone. Maybe it'll be this person, who claims that Lindsay confirmed the naked pictures via Gchat. We imagine this is just what Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Gmail for. Oddest statement ever from publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik: "Anything is possible." Isn't it though? [Page 6]
  

• Lady Di's probably-son-with-what's-his-face Harry's girlfriend's nickname for him is "Big Ginger." Good to know when royalty is well-hung! [Page Six]
  

• The beginning of reality television star and improbable mommy Nicole Richie's trial on charges of driving under the influence has been delayed til August 16. Which is exactly when she'll shockingly miscarry. Duh. [AP]
  

• Rosie O'Donnell had the last word on her View nemeses during a standup act on her cruise ship. Regarding Donald Trump—she would like to "break into his apartment and rub her belly all over him." Ha, awesome. [Us Weekly]
  

• Paris "I don't do drugs" Hilton was spotted exiting a limo in a cloud of marijuana smoke. Paris, honey: seriously, stop! Quitting weed makes you so much sharper and more inclined to like Park Slope! [Page Six]
  

• Did Laurie David leave Larry David for the caretaker of their Martha's Vineyard mansion? Signs point to "be suspicious!" [Cindy]
  

• In just a few months, there will be a brand new human being on Earth who is not only a living combination of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden but who is also a living expression of their love for each other. [Us Weekly]
  

• Sean P. Diddy Puffy Diddy Combs' babymama beard, Kim Porter, has moved out. One wonders what the last straw was. [Page Six]
  

• The serial-marrying Revlon honcho has been compensating ever since he was dissed by a popular girl named Ellen Friedman in ninth grade. [Page Six]
  

• Did you know that the members of Fleetwood Mac used to do a ton of coke?[Page Six]
  

• Britney Spears served her mom with a letter from her lawyer that "bluntly asks Lynne to stay away from the children if she is taking any medications that would impair her ability to be around them." You'll be shocked to learn that the incident took place near a trailer. [TMZ]
  

• Finally, we'll find out if "busty" Laura Albert's tits are as fake as her literary alter ego. [Page Six]
  

• " If Paris wasn't born, she would have to be invented. If she did not form naturally, we'd have to build one of her," Andrea Peyser finally realizes. Um, clearly. Because there is almost no gossip today that isn't about her. [NYP]

• Remember a time when you would have been excited to see a picture of Britney Spears' naked boob? Us neither, really. [Egotastic]
  

• Foxy Brown found out that her boyfriend was a pimp. Then she was attacked by a hooker who pulled out chunks of her weave and stole her hearing aid. What is next for Foxy? Can it please involve 'Flavor of Love: Charm School' please please please? [NYDN]