So, uh, what the hell is going on over at Jane? Okay, what with Hurricane Zed and DeLay being indicted and Britney's new baby, we're sure the state of affairs at the girly mag is hardly at the top of your mind. But maybe it should be! After all, Keith "Mad Dog" Kelly confirmed our earlier report that since Jane Pratt stepped down from the helm at her semi-glossy brainchild, the Fairchild title has been melting off its staff like the fat on Star Jones. Speaking from Milan, new Jane EIC Brandon Holley comments that the recent departures (including managing editor Debbie McHugh) are normal for any regime change, and notes that new editors have already signed on.

Late last night, we were doing what we normally do after dark: Cruising the casual encounters section on Craigslist, looking for a tennis partner. What we found was so delightful, we simply had to share it with you. Alas, this morning, the page had been removed — good thing we took a screen cap last night, then.

11:00 It s the goddamned Gifford Miller commercial. We instinctively zone out and miss the Martha opener. Thanks a lot, Giff.
11:01 Ah, here we go: The show leads in with some cutesy stupid intro with Mark Burnett, who s wearing a gold ankle bracelet as a cutesy stupid homage to Martha.
11:02 Intro music is Motown-esque (will Google song later), montage-style: photos of her big moments, sentencing, dogs, ponchos, smiles, laughs. You re getting all of Martha, whether you want her or not. How bold. Martha walks out carrying her black French bulldog. Crowd is only slightly less enthused than the usual Oprah audience.
11:03 Opening with a monologue. I am unfettered, I am free, no ankle bracelets. Explains that all producers and staff have fake ankle bracelets, which comes off more uncomfortable than funny.
11:05 We re fully into the obligatory New Orleans reference. Cue moving montage of the beauty and heritage; voice over is traditional Martha monotone: On a recent visit to New Orleans, my day began with caf au lait and a beignet, a local tradition.
11:07 The old stock footage of Martha s time in NOLA (complete with references to some article she worked on in 1991), combined with Martha s voiceover, is sleep-inducing. It s like a bad NPR parody, but not a parody.
11:10 We understand that the hurricane shout-out is obligatory and basically unavoidable, but Martha s flat voice is about as warm as George W s. Yesterday was also 9-11. Thanks, we had no idea. Let's fucking cook something...

It's time for the latest edition of The Black Table's Rock and a Hard Place, A.J. Daulerio's notoriously disgusting column devoted to offending journalists as best he can (which is probably what prompted his recent adoption into our perverse family as editor of Oddjack). Today Daulerio takes on Time graduate, talking head, and LA Times scribe Joel Stein. Things, as they often do, turned to the topic of LA Weekly's resident fury, Nikki Finke, who would likely roast Stein on a spit if she had the chance.

Newly-crowned Jane EIC Brandon Holley has officially settled into her throne, and with her arrival comes the inevitable changes to the mag's starting lineup. Today's WWD reports that Kusum Lynn will be taking over for Sciascia Gambaccini as Jane's new fashion director; Lynn previously held the same position at Nylon. For her consolation prize, Gambaccini will remain at Jane as a contributor.

Perhaps prompted by the recent media love for super-rich housekeeper Martha Stewart, a reader privy to the first taping of syndicated daytime show Martha writes in to inform us that perhaps one leg of Martha's comeback might be less than perfect:

Martha Stewart gave a flashy press conference yesterday, in which she revealed not just her court-ordered ankle "bracelet" but also some spicy details about her forthcoming spin-off of the Apprentice. Producer Mark Burnett notes that Martha's version of the show will feature a "softer" palette of colors to reflect her "artistic business," so we imagine the boardroom in which she fires domestic failures to be painted with her signature Lawn Frost and Picket Fence colors (accents in Bedford Gray, of course). And her theme song? Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics. Because nothing says Martha Stewart Living like Annie Lennox moaning about being abused.

A reader relays the following adventure in irritating mundacity, in which we learn about the secret, inner-workings of fashion magazines:

Now that former queen bee Brandon Holley has has left the building in favor of the misnomered throne at Jane magazine, new EIC Christina Kelly and the cutie pies at ELLEgirl are giving their magazine a little face lift:

This week has been all about Jane: Why Pratt left her eponymous magazine, whether or not the glossy has an identity crisis, and its future under new EIC Brandon Holley. Interestingly, Folio suggests that perhaps Pratt didn't leave as voluntarily as she might have us think:

More news from glossy tabville: Elizabeth Leonard, formerly deputy bureau chief for People, has been promoted to West Coast bureau chief. This is a bit more interesting than usual, as one might consider this announcement as an unofficial update on the status of former bureau chief Todd Gold, who's "on leave" to write his book and deal with some pesky sexual harrassment claims. If Leonard's moving in to Gold's old office, one might safely say Gold has more or less left People to pursue his dream of circling local playgrounds in his white minivan. Good for him.

Mild quakes and tremors from the power table in the celebrity weekly cafeteria: Lori Majewski has stepped down as executive editor of Us Weekly to assume the role of managing editor at her alma mater, Teen People. (Bye-bye, former ME Amy Barnett.)

Per yesterday's news, we're helping out the Occidental Alumni Association with their latest mailing:

Things haven't been particularly lovely at the offices of the Village Voice, but life at our sole alt-weekly survivor seems to be getting even worse. Late last week, editor Don Forst chucked his cranky feces at the office fan, prompting outrage at new pay cuts, ranging from 25-40%, which will mostly affect senior editors and salaried staffers (freelancers' rates were already slashed prior to last week). The changes aren't in writing (likely be etched in stone by tomorrow) but, considering the staff just settled on a new contract, the union has threatened another walk-out on Tuesday.

So what gives? We've been hearing rumors of a "merger" with the New Times publishing house, which is a bit like the McDonald's of alt-weeklies. Staffers don't know what, exactly, is happening, but perhaps that's because all the email negotiations have been double super-secret secured, thus preventing the leak of any details. Nevertheless, the rumors are not unsubstantiated.

Not content with having inflated the urban real estate market to epic proportions, Realtor-beast Barbara Corcoran first went after the homes of common folk with her much-publicized rankings of America's sexiest suburbs. Having thus created an intolerable level of buzz around these communities so that housing prices might skyrocket in the desired fashion, Corcoran has set her sights on another hapless victim: retirees.

After a prison stint for conspiracy and obstruction of justice, the Martha Stewart basked in the afterglow of daily media handjobs. New television shows, a slow return to work, the glowing Vanity Fair spread — she kinda ruled. Yet no matter how high our heroine climbs, someone will insist on pushing her down a rung on the ladder of positive PR.

• Jake Bronstein, the jackanapes known for making a mold of his penis and bathing in Bryant Park, wants to marry you. He's sadly serious, too — go on, you know you've always wanted to marry someone from Road Rules. [TMI]
• After 52 years, Variety gossip Army Archerd calls it a day and ends his column. [Reuters]
• Shape editor Anne Russell abruptly resigns (which is code for "gets canned" according to WWD), thus creating yet another mini-crisis around the AMI offices. They just can't seem to get enough of those. [Mediaweek]
• Our sincere condolences to the Times' Lola Oguinnake, who was forced to touch Janice Dickinson's lifelike breasts. [NYT]
• The art of reporting celebrity pregnancies. [Radar]
• Hipsters, unplug your kitsch-fabulous Christmas lights and cancel band practice: The LES is being asked to conserve energy. [Gothamist]

For the Lumbergh-suffering masses, BusinessWeek has a helpful little feature on keeping your inevitably god-awful business presentations from inspiring mass suicide. Seeking expert advice, they talk to the woman responsible for your inability to live like a human being in Manhattan, realtor Barbara Corcoran:

Remember back when Lachlan Murdoch resigned from News Corp? Seems just like this morning... We're nostalgic for the mystery surrounding his departure, although we hear it might have to do with some creative number crunching for the Post's circulation. (To which we say: Big whoop. What paper DOESN'T fudge the math these days?)

Now this is shock and awe: Lachlan Murdoch, the 33-year-old Chief Operating Hottie for his father Rupert's world domination machine, News Corp., has announced that he is resigning from the company as of August 31. There's a Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader metaphor somewhere in here, but we're too flustered to work it out.