Yesterday afternoon, a three-alarm fire consumed a West Village apartment building on 22 King Street, threatening the neighboring building and prompting dozens of fainting spells amongst Lucky-toting shoppers. While no one was injured, CBS news reports on the pain of local comedian and burgeoning Daily Show wit Demetri Martin, who "lives in the building and was walking home when the fire erupted."
• Tonight at Mo Pitkins, cartoonists try really hard to convince you a) that cartoons are a valid form of art and b) that cartoonists are socially viable creatures. Uptown, Neil Gaiman, so valid and viable that his stick-figures are called "novels," gets an entire event to himself at the 92nd Street Y. [flavorpill & Upcoming]
• Nepotism reigns at tonight's reading of The Best American Magazing Writing 2005. 7PM at Half King, where everybody knows your name. [Half King]
• The Oxonian Society hosts a lecture by Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff, but they won't tell you where the lecture is until you've registered. Because when your speaker is party to sensitive intelligence concerning color codes, you have to up security. [Paper]
Friday:
• Like champagne and strawberries or Sonny and Cher, pairing the Guggenheim's RUSSIA! exhibit and Diplo's "baile funk" makes them each component a little better. Enjoy the duo tonight at Flavorpill's First Fridays shindig. [flavorpill]
• Tonight is different from every other night at the Mercury Lounge in that the performance of Holy Fuck will involve instruments you care about, like toy laser-guns. [Paper]
Saturday:
• In honor of its provocative sex scene involving a table spread, bring a stick of butter to the Two Boots' screening of Last Tango in Paris, they'll hook you up with some free buttered popcorn. God only knows what the managers are planning with that dairy stockpile. [Paper]
• The Double hits the Bowery Ballroom with its "ascendant flutes and gentle guitar lines." Peter, Paul, and Mary open. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• The third day of the Times' Arts & Leisure Weekend series presents Hank Azaria, Bebe Neuwirth, and Goosebumps writer R. L. Stine, among others, with tickets still available for various talks. That was a nice way of saying, "All the good ones are sold out already." [NYT]
As you'll recall, the MTA's gratuitous, financially unsound, and arguably strike-encouraging holiday-season ride-for-a-buck special left some riders with odd balances remaining on their Metrocards. A cantankerous pal was left with a single buck; we with $13. At first, we didn't know it was possible to add non-round amounts to a 'Card, but you quickly disabused us of that notion. So we hightailed it to our local IND stop, at which we further proved our stupidity and, without going into an explanation, left the station with a balance of $33.40, which was far worse than the $13 we entered with.
Today's Metro features an image of the Pataki clan raptly listening to our fair governor give his final State of the State speech. Presumably the only thing keeping daughter Emily awake is the snoring sound coming from the guys in the back.
We can't give any legal analysis on this other than our usual what-the-fuck, but: Peter Braunstein has pleaded not guilty to sexual assault charges. His legal team has indicated that they may be looking to work the "he's a crazy, mental bastard" defense, but they have yet to file a notice of intent.
• Don't even think of acting like you're cool to check out former New Kid Jordan Knight tonight at B.B. King's with 98 Degrees' Jeff Timmons. If you rat your bangs high enough, maybe Jordan will sign your Lisa Frank pencil holder. [flavorpill]
• Our slutty sister Ana Marie Cox, having finally broken free from the chains of blogging, reads from her new book, Dog Days, at the Astor Place Barnes & Noble, 7 PM. Bring your own martini, because we doubt she'll share hers.
• Makor helps you relive your worst childhood nightmares with its "adult" spelling bee tonight. Take advantage of the one-hour open beer and wine bar beforehand and you should be eliminated and put out of your misery rather quickly. [92Y]
Sightings are sent in by readers on the best-dressed list; send yours to tips@gawker.com.
• Go forth, little mischief makers, and make your own subway sign — just because you can. [Subway Fun]
• If you read that Times article about a month ago about the magically irritating converted schoolhouse shared by a bunch of creatives in Bushwick and thought, "Hey, that's neat," now's your chance to move in. You're an idiot, but, hey, we're not judging. [Craigslist via Lindsayism]
• How she gets the scoops: Daily News gossip girl Jo Piazza is a kissing bandit. [NYO]
• Three of the top seven most emailed Times articles pertain to macaroni and cheese, and yet we wonder why America is the land of the obese. [NYT]
• Only the brave should listen to the new Kevin Federline track. We, as we've noted before, are total pussies. Knock yourselves out, though, and tell us how it goes. [Yahoo! Music]
• Whether or not author JT Leroy is real, at least the experience of figuring him out is decidedly surreal. [Guardian]
• "Mystic Lake," Katy Grannan's new exhibit, features a dozen new nude and half-nude portraits. In case you're wondering, these things go from Playboy to art as soon as you put your dick back in your pants. [Paper]
• In Brian Parks' play Goner, the president has been assassinated, doctors make funny jokes, and the Secret Service runs around threatening to arrest everyone. One out of three ain't too shabby for accuracy. [flavorpill]
• We don't quite understand the idea behind dorkbot-nyc, but some dude named Mikey installed a $2 RFIF tag in his hand. No, we don't know what that is, either, but it sounds like some sort of electronic chip type thing, and that's circus freak enough for us. [Upcoming]
In this inaugural Gawker Stalker installment of 2006: Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, Scarlett and Hartnett do Minnesota, Scarlett and Hartnett do the East Village, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany, Luke Wilson, Natalie Portman, UN Ambassador John Bolton, Juliette Lewis, Topher Grace, Peter Dinklage, Heather Graham, Strokes bassist Nikolai Fraiture, Jack Osborne, Kathleen Turner, Christy Turlington and Ed Burns, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, Jordana Brewster, Stevie Van Zant, John Legend, Patrick Dempsey, and Roger Toussaint.
• While "French film" may the be most feigned intellectual interest of all time, apparently there are people who do enjoy actually watching the movies. The French Institute Alliance Fran aise caters to said freaks with a festival celebrating writer/director Marguerite Duras, kicking off tonight. [flavorpill]
• Hopping over a country or two, Makor hosts a sneak preview of Fateless, the "semi-autobiographical tale of a 14-year-old Jewish boy swept up by the Holocaust," adapted from the novel from Nobel Prize-winner Imre Kertesz. Yeah, the Holocaust does tend to "sweep" one away. [Upcoming]
• Finally, for those with plainer tastes—cowboys, gorillas, etc—the New York Times offers half-priced movie tickets all week. No, there really isn't anything else going on today. Sorry. [NYT]
The ongoing deluge that's been soaking New York for the past few days is suddenly reaching crisis proportions. Never mind the mudslides and flash foods and destroyed roadways and other biblical problems they're facing in California. We have a looming disaster of our own: What happens if it keeps raining once the garbage cans are completely full of broken umbrellas?
The Daily News has a rundown this morning of the new laws that went into effect with the new year. The tab lets us know that Mister Softee trucks are now allowed to play the jingle when moving but not when stopped, that minimum wage has raised from one amount that's too little to live on to another amount that's too little to live on, and that people under 21 are not allowed to own spray paint, among other things. Also:
How much did that transit strike suck? More than I would know but let's pop open any remaining sores you may have on your feet and sand them over with some Morton's saltpaper. Turns out the Transport Workers Union Local 100 fared very well in the final settlement and no amount of bitchin' or fist-shakin' or Craigslist postin' can change it now. When it pains, it roars.
Because you're not doing any real work this week (we're certainly not — can you tell??), we're happy to present you all with the pattern to make your own Peter Braunstein doll. All you need is a Dixie cup, some paper, tape and scissors, all of which should be easy to find around your office. Simply click the image below to enlarge:
• In tonight's edition of Who Knew That Was A Job, Mike Patton "screams, barks, and groans" on stage at Warsaw, and people pay to listen. Rahzel of Roots fame collaborates, with special appearances by Dub Trio and Wilco's Glenn Kotche. [flavorpill]
• Gimme Shelter, screening tonight at MoMA, documents a Rolling Stones concert turned to chaos and the ensuing death of a concertgoer. Fucking evil rock music. [Upcoming]
• For everyone who missed it the first time around, disco dies again tonight at The Delancey, and you can be there to artificially shut it down. Alan McGee and BP Fallon host Death Disco, with performances by Lampa, Nemo, Moto:Rosa, and Four Volts. [WUNY]
Authorities arrested two men yesterday for attempting to extort as much as $1 million in exchange for Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's stolen wedding videos. Officers from the NYPD's Major Case Squad busted Jersey ex-con Tito Moses and retired postal worker Steven Wortman, who originally contacted Access Hollywood on December 8 with an offer to sell the footage.
