Eva Longoria rebounds with a pierced pop star. Lindsay Lohan still on the hook for grand theft. Holly Madison gets $30,000 to sit next to a rich guy. Bieber's secret alias is Chandler Bing. Tuesday gossip blows everyone's covers.

Christina Aguilera screwed up the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the Super Bowl on Sunday. And, hours later, when we realized she'd messed up the lyrics, the country was plunged deep into a crisis from which it may never emerge. Do we need a new national anthem? And if so, what should it be?

While Christina Aguilera does star-spangled damage control, her handlers fret about alcoholism. Lindsay Lohan's felony grand theft charge looms. Jessica Szohr may be dating the Packers' quarterback. Monday gossip streams o'er the land of the brave.

Super Bowl XLV is officially underway! Just moments ago, Christina Aguilera graced our television sets with her run-heavy rendition of the national anthem. One problem: she sang the wrong lyrics! In front of hundreds of millions of people. Uh, yikes?

Christina doesn't know Jeremy Renner, but she knows his bed. Melissa Etheridge's ex knew she was cheating because the dildos were different. Lamar Odom would like you to imagine him having sex with his Kardashian wife. Wednesday gossip sleeps around.

Elton John debuts his surrogate-born baby. Christina Hendricks lost an $850,000 diamond bauble. Christina Aguilera picks a catfight with a co-star. Octomom makes her fetish film debut. Tuesday gossip is miraculous.

The most saccharine couple ever to grace a celebrity glossy breaks up. Palm Desert police say Lindsay Lohan violated her probation. Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp are dating. Kelli Pickler is married. Wednesday gossip is a Taylor Swift break-up ballad.

It was the year Christina Aguilera attacked Lady Gaga and Whoopi Goldberg stormed off The View. Conan O'Brien defied his boss and world leaders threatened to kill a psychic octopus. A guide to the bloodiest feuds of 2010.

Christina Aguilera says she fell prey to a nefarious computer hacker. Blake Lively and Ryan Gosling seem to be dating. Michael Lohan makes a video of himself getting Botox, because, why not? Thursday gossip has a complicated relationship with fame.

For the fourth year running, Mayor Michael Bloomberg stopped by the gay holiday party formerly known as "Toys for Tots" to show how much he loves his queer constituents. This year he came with gay-themed toys and bad gay-themed jokes.

Justin Bieber toys with the outward indicators of sexual maturity. Jermaine Jackson owes $100,000 in child support. Lady says she didn't boink Eva Longoria's husband. Aretha Franklin goes under the knife. TGIFriday gossip.

An unidentifiable, maybe-Miley naked picture circulates the internet. Eva and Tony reunite for lunch. Jessica Simpson proves she's not pregnant by doing shots. Jon Gosselin gets a job. Thursday gossip is old for its age.

Burlesque, the gayest movie made since Prince of Tides, opens in theaters today and people are so excited! Cher! Christina Aguilera! But should they be? Let's take a look at the not-so-good reviews that have come pouring in.

In last night's Nightline interview, Cher discussed her Burlesque co-star, what it's like to work with younger girls and why she envies Meryl Streep. As with every interview with the icon, Cher provides us with some amazing sound bites.

On The Tonight Show, Christina Aguilera described a traumatizing childhood experience when a man pulled her microphone mid performance. Check out this vintage video of a young Christina singing the National Anthem at a baseball game.

[The day after the premiere of her first movie, Christina Aguilera airs out her armpits in L.A. She received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and was likened to Marilyn Monroe. Updated caption inspired by youthinkyouknow. Image via INF.]

Aguilera was a sexy cop for Halloween. Paris Hilton and Rachel Zoe were sexy Native Americans. Fearing his client's impending death, Charlie Sheen's manager makes a home visit. Portia de Rossi once weighed 82 lbs. Monday's gossip roundup needs candy.

Does Tom Cruise have a crush on Jeremy Renner? Are Kat Von D and Jesse James engaged? Was Shape wrong to put LeAnn Rimes on their cover? Friday gossip is full of perplexing questions.

[After going to a doctors appointment in Brentwood, newly single Christina Aguilera takes her son Max shopping at La La Ling in Los Feliz. What a great name for a kid! Photo via AP.]

A zen koan: If Taylor Momsen bares her breasts to a crowd but tabloids can't publish the pictures because she's underage, is it really a celebrity scandal? Of course it is! Saturday Gossip Roundup will bring you peace and prosperity.