The lawyers are safely locked away in a supply closet, so we're ready to share your answers to today's blind item. Before moving on, reheat the spoon of One Needling Blind Vice:
Wherein we invite our readers to strand themselves on humpy E! gossip-castaway Ted Casablanca's desert island of sun-bleached prose and guess the identity of his blind item. Today, Ted abandons the relatively cheery world of cocaine abuse for the darker territory between a certain actress's toes. Tie off One Needling Blind Vice:
From Craigslist, a dollop of fabulousity:
Wherein we invite our readers to ram the black SUVs of their collective intelligence into the side of humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca's fleeing blind item Mercedes and force its camera-shy driver out into the street. Ted's once again set his GPS to plot a course for Toothy Tile Boulevard, the favorite drag of a certain closeted actor. Taste the pleasure of One Forced Fagola Blind Vice:
This morning we put the following blind items in your grubby hands:
Today's Page Six has, quite possibly, THE MOST IMPORTANT BLIND ITEM EVER:
Wherein we gesture to our idiot-savantastic readership to take their seats in the front row of the humpy E! gossip instructor Ted Casablanca's SAT preparation class and darken with a #2 lead pencil the oval which best completes the comparison: stairwell is to cater-waiter as boning is to blank. Consider all possible answers before answering One Aptitude-Measuring Blind Vice:
Wherein we gesture to our idiot-savantastic readership to take their seats in the front row of the humpy E! gossip instructor Ted Casablanca's SAT preparation class and darken with a #2 lead pencil the oval which best completes the comparison: stairwell is to cater-waiter as boning is to blank. Consider all possible answers before answering One Aptitude-Measuring Blind Vice:
By popular demand (perhaps from several former employees?), the following item from today's Page Six must be addressed:
Prepare to have the blind item scales fall away from your gossip-loving eyes. Before moving on to your answers, smell the daisies of One Here-We-Go-Again Blind Vice:
Wherein we invite our to readers tug at the bill of their caps, dig into the batter's box, and take their hacks at the blind item spitballs hurled by humpy E! gossip southpaw Ted Casablanca. This week, Ted peeks out into the October sun, sees his shadow, and retreats back into his gossip-hole, ensuring another six weeks of supposedly-straight-actors-are-actually-gay items. Adjust your package and have a go at One Here-We-Go-Again Blind Vice:
So maybe some of you thought Village Voice gossipista Michael Musto's blind items were a bit too easy, but that was just an amuse bouche. Today's Page Six brings the delicious main course:
The responses of the elite commenters on the Blind Items post and most of the emailers indicate a general consensus that Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu were lesbianically canoodling whilst Stella McCartney lapped up coke. Those bored with Paul McCartney's new album picked Elizabeth/Jade Jagger, Kimberly Stewart, and Leah Wood.
Warning: Reading Village Voice gossipfly Michael Musto's latest column may cause blind item seizures. As he is wont to do, Musto decides to unload nine whodunnits in a single column, leaving us feeling as bewildered as a wet kitten. Most of them are insanely obscure, but we thought we'd throw this sampling out for consumption, confident that you are, of course, much more intelligent than we could ever be:
It's time again for you to pull the cheap rubber mask off the head of Ted Casablanca's blind item villain and reveal his true identity. He would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids! But first, reunite with One Fake-Ass Blind Vice:
