Mermaid Parade 2004 [Meccapixel]
Also: Moby and the Mermaids [Rion]

Is it Friday already? Jesus, what the hell happened? Here's the weekly buzz index:

—Side-By-Side Comparative Picture Day continues at Defamer. This time, it's the curious resemblance of The OC's Adam Brody to Michael Jackson.
—Malis In Wonderland reviews some celebrity charity "artwork." Obvs: Hilary Duff draws at an eight-year-old level.
—NY media bitching post Gawker bags the NYT's surprisingly thoughtful memo announcing the stealing hiring of Manohla Dargis from the LAT.
—Gary Coleman impersonator rampages through DC! Wonkette is there, with camphone pics.

A succinct and stylish double dose of last night's parties, from Gawker's Special Correspondent on Bling and Hiphoprisy. On the agenda: America magazine issue #2 launch party and the Kimora Lee Simmons/Baby Phat Diva Sneakers party at Whiskey Bar.

—Awful Plastic Surgery laments that Tara Reid went with the "porn star" boobs. Pretty soon, she might be going with the "porn star career."
—Perhaps the most interesting thing is that the Tori Spelling lap dance was a throw-in for buying a necklace at a charity auction. We recommend sand-blasting your privates to return sensation after viewing.
—A writer from the Daily Show sneaks intentional comedy onto the NYT Op-Ed page: Thou-Shalt-See TV for the Passion generation.
—The Onion breaks down the "Hollyblogs" of stars like Lisa "Facts of Life" Whelchel, Melanie Griffith ("Defensive. She takes umbrage at every tabloid story about her."), and Fred Durst ("Dense but heartfelt, and trying hard to philosophize").

We'd like to take a second to thank our advertisers, who keep us out of that ill-fitting Spider-Man costume in front of the Chinese Theatre, chasing tourists with a Polaroid camera. Information on Defamer advertising can be found here.

—Britney's new puppy describes the scene as mom mows down a paparazzi with her SUV: I wanna play. What was that? No, really, I heard something. I can’t see a goddamn thing. I’ll whine a little. Mmm-mmm. She can’t even hear me. She probably thinks it’s her cell. Should I bark? Maybe if I growl she’ll put me down. Oops, bad choice of words
—Why we all got to enjoy Seven of Nine's Republican campaign-sinking sex club stories.
—Off to a great start: Those wacky, original Maxim filmmakers gave their new production company the same name as Demi Moore's production company. Maybe next they'll get knocked up by Ashton Kutcher.
—Carmen Electra may be hot, but she certainly needs a crash course in gas station ettiquette. We're not fucking around, Carmen...gas is about fifteen dollars a gallon now. Don't make us any angrier at the pump.

A little bit of New York's scary old soul died today, as gossip heavy Ian Spiegelman was reportedly fired from NY Post's Page Six. Spiegelman, perhaps not the most well-mannered man in the gossip biz, sent the email (reprinted below) to magazine writer Doug Dechert. Best of all: Daily News-boy Lloyd Grove takes the credit for getting Spiegelman fired by passing the email to the upstairs NY Post honchos. We can safely conclude that, in some outer borough, Spiegelman is dusting off a blood-encrusted baseball bat for Lloyd Grove's face.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let the famous know that every time they drive out of their gated homes, we are watching.

—"Dear Madonna, Remember when you were Catholic? Every few months or so, we'd issue a statement saying that you were a big whore. It was really good publicity, and kind of fun. Please come back. We don't want all the world's aspiring whores signing up for the Kabbalah Center. Love, The Pope"

Many thanks to this week's sponsors, who help us avert the part of our True Hollywood Story where we live in the back of a friend's Corolla. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and reach the world's smartest, most desirable readers, send an e-mail to advertising@gawker.com.

Color us impressed: there's a hands down (as it were) winner for this week's gayest Drudge Report headline. In fact, we're more than a little peeved we didn't think of it ourselves.

—Madonna does some more wacky Kabbalah-related shit; wake us when she opens a Kabbalah Centre on the moon.
—Finally, a rep denies that Jennifer Aniston is pregnant; call us when she gives birth to triplets named Donkey, Streisand, and Forklift in a few months.
—Michael Jackson paid a huge sum to settle a sex-abuse suit in 1993; gives us a jingle when we have evidence of hush-money paid to an underage llama for that magical, yet one-sided, night underneath the Neverland Ferris wheel.
—Woody Allen still alive and making movies. Fucking prove it.

1. After twenty years of vacancy, East Village corpse-dumping lot to be developed into shiny, ugly apartments.
2. J. Lo's flip-flops: "They are very bling bling with thin shavings of real gold shaped like feathers." Reported cost: $24,000.
3. Tina Brown on Michael Moore: "The buzz is deafening."
4. Why summer in Manhattan rocks.

· 'Star Trash' exhibit (right: Amy Sacco, Eric Ripert at opening) removes photo of CNN gabbler Larry King's trash, due to embarrassing presence of Depends undergarments. [NYP]
· Jackie Chan eats at Da Silvano??? What the fuck? [NYP]
· Alanis Morrissette engaged to B-list 'National Lampoon's Van Wilder' star Ryan Reynolds. We're abstaining from jokes about rain on her wedding day... for now. [NYDN]
· Doh! Billy Bush gets promotion at Access Hollywood after big-eared host Pat O'Brien goes off to launch "The Insider." At least the studio gig will keep the aggressive super-twinkie Bush-spawn off the Eastern seaboard and out of our hair. [NYP]

· Courtney Love, finally fulfilling her goal to become the most hated woman in the business of show, cancels her upcoming Central Park concert. [NYDN]
· The Miramax/Disney split is looking more and more likely. Losing Miramax would bring much shame to Disney: after that, it'll only be mere weeks until Disney's Michael Eisner is selling his tiny Mickey Mouse-tattooed ass for crack. [NYP]
· Comedy Central dumps 'The Man Show.' Now we'll have to stalk foul-mouthed hottie Joe Rogan somewhere else. [NYP]
· Chris Martin skulks around the West Village with baby Apple; stupid photographers miss their tiny quarry. [NYDN]
· Vin Diesel parties with a bevy of girls in Vegas. Yeah, I bet they spent oodles of time shopping and talking outfits together. [NYP]

—The New York Post's plastic surgery experts blame Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan for the bazooming of America's teenage girls.
—Meryl channels Hillary in Manchurian Candidate; Paramount supposedly reminds director Jonathan Demme to stick to the usual left-wing Hollywood conspiracy and lay off Hill.
—Guy Ritchie says that Kabbalah is A.O.K, and that Madonna's "never received any kind of bill from anyone." He also denies that he and his pals will one day drink son Rocco's blood from a gold chalice paid for by Madonna's Kabbalah Centre tithe.
—Even McDonald's hates Michael Eisner.

Just up the Fire Island beach from where Uma Thurman hides, each summer the homosexuals gather in the Pines to enjoy the sun, the beach, and grain alcohol cocktails. But can a tiny beach town of vacationing Manhattanites handle too many celebugays in the bushes? Our Thpecial Correthpondent writes in after a harsh weekend:

Last night, we slipped free of the shackles that bind us to our computer and actually attended the AFI Life Achievement Award ceremony for Meryl Streep at the Kodak Theater (and, more importantly, the afterparty at the Highlands club). We imagine it was just like being at the Oscars, but without the constant urge to have Billy Crystal sterilized.

· Did anyone hear Don Imus on the death of Ray Charles this morning? (I certainly didn't — I'd rather be bludgeoned with a radio than listen to it.) A reader says Imus spent some time making fun of Charles's 36 descendants: Imus said "'that's more than the Million Man March.' Then his cronies start naming the kids, 'Malcolm X Charles, Charles Charles, Ray Charles, Jr.' and laughing."
· Please, please let Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter run for mayor, distributing cigarettes and ice cream to all the children. That would rule. [NYP]
· Our congratulations to Janice Min, Us Weekly's head cheerleader — she's finally popped. No word yet on whether she'll name her new boy "Rogue" or "Rascal" or some hideous celebrity baby name. We're just sad they weren't twins — a lifetime of Min Twins posting would do us right. [NYP]
· Now Lindsay Lohan's dad says he lied in his divorce papers — evidently he made up all those things about Lindsay's mom and her alleged coke-snorting, kitchen-implement-smacking behavior. [NYDN]
· The Martha Stewart do-over is gaining steam... at least in the papers, if not in the courts. [NYDN]