• The CorcoDevil refuses to go gentle into that good night, "firing" Pamela Liebman in that drunk joking-but-seriously way, and offering her peons hope that there will be more opportunities to work with her in raping the city. [PageSix]
• The guy from the Killers is in a big bitchy slap-fight with the guy from Fall Out Boy. A series of cutting singles that all sound the same to follow. [PageSix]
• Janet Jackson: still denying the secret teenage daughter, now also denying pregnancy. Still unable to deny existence of that weird ass-slapping tape. [R&M]
• Karl Rove's wife mistress is going to leave him for, and we quote, "her handsome ranch foreman, Rhett Hard. If this is Rove's attempt to distract us from the indictments, it's working. Rhett Hard, people. The fable of Jann Wenner and the ugly couch is also worth noting. [Lowdown, via Radar]
• We note this entry in the continuing tale of the troubled Federline Household: "For example, while Spears was busy changing their infant son s diapers, Federline reportedly spent two hours getting his hair braided." And we ask: two straight hours of changing diapers? Is the Federletus sick??? [Scoop]

BREAKING! IMPORTANT PARKER POSEY UPDATE!
On Monday, we drooled over a Page Six item suggesting that flamey Observer vixen Jessica Joffe, having ended her relationship with mega-socialite Jamie Johnson, was now spending her evenings clutched in the gritty arms of disquieting indie rockster Ryan Adams. Surely this cannot be true! we thought. But WHAT IF? What of Adams's ex-lovebunny, East Village fixture/actress Parker Posey?

To recap: Which legendarily cool and sweaty rapper likes the male groupies?

Sorry it took us an extra-long time to tabulate the results, but we've spent most of the last two days perfecting layout and font choice in our critically-acclaimed Times front page parody.

By popular demand (perhaps from several former employees?), the following item from today's Page Six must be addressed:

The Blind Item answers have been tabulated, and the results may shock those of you who are easily shocked.

So maybe some of you thought Village Voice gossipista Michael Musto's blind items were a bit too easy, but that was just an amuse bouche. Today's Page Six brings the delicious main course:

Just because we feel like picking on Rush and Molloy a little more before we call it day, here's another demonstration, courtesy of an emailer, of their impressive fact-checking skills:

First, we read in Life & Style the most dramatic version yet of the Nick and Jessica divorce story. Snapping! Weeping on planes! But then, we read this:

The responses of the elite commenters on the Blind Items post and most of the emailers indicate a general consensus that Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu were lesbianically canoodling whilst Stella McCartney lapped up coke. Those bored with Paul McCartney's new album picked Elizabeth/Jade Jagger, Kimberly Stewart, and Leah Wood.

Warning: Reading Village Voice gossipfly Michael Musto's latest column may cause blind item seizures. As he is wont to do, Musto decides to unload nine whodunnits in a single column, leaving us feeling as bewildered as a wet kitten. Most of them are insanely obscure, but we thought we'd throw this sampling out for consumption, confident that you are, of course, much more intelligent than we could ever be:

Star breaks the Watergatian news today that Jennifer Aniston has taken to saying that Angelina Jolie looks like Gollum. Helpfully, the magazine then considers whether it's a reasonable charge.

There was a party last week for Dr. Pat Wexler, dermatologist to the rich and famous, and from it WWD's Jacob Bernstein reports perhaps the most perfect quote ever uttered by a PR maven:

Remember yesterday when the Observer said Lloyd Grove was not much longer for the Daily News? The pink paper said that Grove had a contract for two years, rather than the three previously reported, and that his tenure "may not extend through a third year." Grove himself wasn't quoted in the piece — we've got to assume the Observer tried to reach him and he declined to talk, or at least only spoke off the record — but as of today he's on the record totally denying the item.

Say it ain't so! The Observer gossips today that Lowdown Lloyd Grove might well be out of the Daily News by the end of the month.

From today's Page Six:

What's that above-the-fold, A1 byline — appearing, we must point out, in, er, boldface? Congratulations, Boldface gossiper Campbell for miraculously turning into a real journalist. (God knows we never could.)

• Princess Michael of Kent — best known for spewing racist diarrhea all over Da Silvano last year — has now offended Oprah loving housewives around the world, claiming that the late Princess Diana was "nasty" and little more than a "womb." [Page Six]
• Photographer Dave LaChapelle claims that Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are "everything that's wrong with music." Way to go out on a limb there, dude. [Lowdown]
• Great news for The Gays: Pop singer Kylie Minogue has undergone surgery and chemo for breast cancer and, according to sister Danii, is doing well. [IOL]
• Kanye West isn't the only one noting that George Bush is pigementally-challenged. [R&M]
• And, of course, the devastating inadequacy of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina sure does look like a promising project for documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. [Scoop]

• Oh. My. God. Currently imprisoned Michael Lohan, father of innocent actress Lindsay, has penned a song to his daughter. And he sent it to Lloyd Grove, who's reprinted it in all of its glory. A sampling: I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem! [Lowdown]
• More hurricane tragedy: Rapper Juvenile's New Orleans home has been destroyed. Trent Lott's we could handle, but not this. [R&M (2nd item)]
• A holla to our favorite Star Jones impersonator, drag queen Flotilla DeBarge, who shared the Next mag Out There Award for Press Whore of the Year with gay porn star Michael Lucas. We're surprised the award didn't go to the actual Jones, but maybe next year. [Page Six]

• Smell that? It's romance, right there, in our air — and it's wafting around David Hauslaib of Jossip and Gawker Hottie and Daily News gossipista Ben Widdicombe. Well done, David. You'll break that glass ceiling yet. [Daily Transom]
• Janice Dickinson, America's First Supertramp. [A Socialite's Life]
• Hey, remember Wilmer Valderrama? You better, 'cause he's on the up and up. No, he swears. [NYDN]
• "What the fuck is going on down there? You mean to tell me the United States cannot get it together to save these people, feed these people, and have some semblance of law and order?" We couldn't say it better ourselves. [Amy's Robot]
• Best designer knock-off, ever. [Banterist]